Spice of Life

One of my friends recently made some beautiful earrings and posted a picture on Facebook and I offered to buy them.  We were chatting today about it and it all reminded me of a purple velvet cushion my Dad made for me when I was about 8 or 10.  My aunt used to sell beautiful antique lace at antique shows and bring my cousin and I along sometimes.  We would often collect beautiful beads and things and I loved going to the "bead store" to see what treasures I could find.  I started getting into making jewelry, earrings mostly and my Dad thought I should try selling them.  He wanted to teach me about being and entrepreneur; a concept that was beyond me at the time and sort of lame, but something I can appreciate now.  He made me this beautiful cushion and covered it with purple crushed velvet so I could pin the earrings on it and go to the bank or neighbors houses and sell my creations.  My Dad was and is very different, not the typical football watching,...

I am a HUGE Caedmon's Call fan.  One of their songs really speaks to me and pretty much every time I hear it, I cry.  It's such a good reminder that I should probably listen to it everyday. Moms and Dads of small children can relate to this and I hope that this will encourage you today as it did for me.  Read the words of this song.  Could it be that everything is Sacred? This house is a good mess it’s the proof of life no way would I trade jobs but it don’t pay overtime I’ll get to the laundry I don’t know when I’m saying a prayer tonight cause tomorrow it starts again Could it be that everything is sacred? and all this time everything I’ve dreamed of has been right before my eyes The children are sleeping but they’re running through my mind the sun makes them happy and the music makes them unwind My cup runneth over and I worry about the stain teach me to run to You like they run to me for every little thing When I forget to drink from...

This morning started off interesting...Zoe was annoying her brother (not unusual) and I hear from their room, "I'm gonna kill you!"  Even though I'm an only child, I know siblings say things like this to each other and don't actually mean it.  But a five year old screaming it at his 3 year old sister?  NOT acceptable.  I went straight in there and sat him down with me on his bed.  He says with tears brimming, "do you know why I'm crying?  Because Zoe makes me mad!  I hate the screaming!"  I respond, "do you know why I'm crying?  Because you said you want to kill your sister."  He looks at me with wide eyes and realizes that what he said was not okay.  I talked to him about how I get really angry when she screams too, it makes me crazy!  I recognized that she annoys him a lot and makes him mad but no matter what, he can't say things like that because it's very serious.  Most of the time those two are having a blast together...

I don't have many memories from my childhood.  A few here and there and most involve my cousin who might as well be my sister.  Neither of us have siblings and are only three months apart so yes, we're basically sisters.  I'm really thankful that I have her because it was tough back then.  Being at my Mom's house during the week, going to my Dad's on the weekend.  I remember being a pretty serious kid, divorce does that to you.  Maybe that's why I have such a hard time now that I have my own kids, just chilling out and letting them be kids . There's always a sink full of dirty dishes.  Maybe it will stay empty for like 5 minutes, but seriously, it's never ending.  There's always laundry that has to be done, dinner that needs to be prepped, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.  My problem is I can't just let it be.  It's like a disease, maybe a partially good disease, but bad in that it distracts me from what really matters.  When my son ...

Some people marry their high school sweetheart.  Some people are friends for many many years, they eventually fall in love and get married.  I have the pleasure of being married to my best friend.  I wouldn't say I married my best friend, but he became my best friend. I grew up with divorce and witnessed a lot of dysfunctional relationships.  Growing up in the church I was unsure how to approach dating and marriage.  I jumped on the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" bandwagon like many of my friends, but that didn't last long.  I had one boyfriend in high school and a few complicated friendships with boys.  I went to a Christian college, where there was A LOT of pressure to find "the right one".  Before I even moved into the dorms people were already setting me up in hypothetical relationships.  I had a few major crushes but didn't really get into anything serious for the first year, which was good because heck, I was there to get a degree not an "...

Psalm 23 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This past weekend we went on our first church retreat and it was so refreshing and renewing to my soul.  The title of the retreat was Playful Monasticism and the focus was Lectio Devina; an ancient art that is practiced through slow, contemplative praying of the Scriptures.  On Saturday we focused on Psalm 23 and we watched a video that really impacted me.  It showed a man taking a group of people on a tour in Egypt and helping them to see Psalm 23 in a new way.  When I was growing up reading this Psalm I always pictured "green pastures" as beautiful rolling green hills that went on and on forever.  The writer however was not living in Ireland or some lush green country, he was living in a barren desert...

Touch The Sky When the cold wind is calling And the sky is clear and bright Misty mountains sing and beckon, "Lead me out into the light" I will ride, I will fly Chase the wind and touch the sky I will fly Chase the wind and touch the sky Where dark woods hide secrets And mountains are fierce and bold Deep waters hold reflections Of times lost long ago I will hear their every story Take hold of my own dream Be as strong as the seas are stormy And proud as an eagle's scream I will ride, I will fly Chase the wind and touch the sky I will fly Chase the wind and touch the sky ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you've seen the Disney Pixar movie Brave you probably recognize that song.  I know I've blogged about that movie before and I've definitely talked about it a lot...well, I just love it!  It's by far my favorite Disney movie and definitely one of my favorite movies ever.  I was watching it with Zoe today for prob...

Tomorrow my baby starts kindergarten.  Well he's not a baby anymore of course, he's 5!  Just like any mom can relate though, he's my baby and always will be.  ;)  I've had a couple months, since we decided to send him to school instead of home schooling, to wrap my mind around this whole thing.  It's occurred to me that we are about to enter warp speed.  People are always saying "it goes by so fast!"  Now it has hit me...yes, yes it does.  I think the catch 22 is that you don't realize it's going fast until it's already gone by.  I'm so excited for him to make friends, learn new things and have fun.  I'm super excited to have some time to spend with just Zoe and for them to have a few hours away from each other.  Then there's the other side of me that's thinking, where did my little baby go?  I have a kid starting school?  Whaaaaaat!?  It's pretty unreal.  I want to treasure each new moment and discovery...

I am a HUGE Mumford and Sons fan.  The other day I was driving to work while listening to one of my favorite songs but this time it had new meaning for me.  The lyrics that have hit home since that first time I heard it... And there will come a time you'll see, with no more tears And love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears Get over your hill and see what you find there With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair The first time I heard After the Storm I thought of heaven and being in the presence of Jesus and surrounded by love.  A true and pure love that cannot break your heart like the corrupt and "human" love of this world.  You know what's funny?  I just looked up the title of the song because I didn't know it and now, it means even more.  I'll tell you why... Almost two months ago my right lung was collapsing and I ended up eventually having surgery to repair the hole.  As most of you know I have always had a rocky rela...

Before you become a parent, you have many opinions on parenting.  Where do they come from?  Hell if I know, not experience, that's for sure!  Over 5 years ago I would see a child with one of those "leashes" on, at Disneyland or wherever, and roll my eyes.  "I would NEVER put one of those on my kid, it's ridiculous!"  Well, my friends...never say never.  Especially BEFORE you have kids.  As you know, my parenting motto is "if it works, do it". Last week we were at Zeeks pizza eating on the outdoor patio.  The kids were done so they were going around the table, going crazy of course.  Us adults were trying to enjoy our beers and have conversation.  One second I look at Zoe and she's behind my mom's chair, I look away for a second to drink my beer and she's gone.  "Where's the child!?" I said.  I run inside and ask the servers if they had seen a little girl come in and they start searching.  I run out to the parking lot (whi...

I have watched a couple movies lately (inspired by books) that have gotten me thinking, sometimes the true love of Jesus is more apparent in the "secular" world than it is in Christian culture. Whatever you might think about the new Les Miserables movie, you must admit that the priest was magnificent.  If you have never seen the original theatrical production in person or on DVD than you don't know that Colm Wilkinson was the original Jean Valjean.  I had seen the DVD because I got the 25th anniversary edition for Norm.  So when we went to see the movie and he came on screen, I got chills.  His voice is out of this world.  Anyway, back to the point...the priest in that story demonstrates the true love, acceptance and forgiveness of Christ.  Jean Valjean had come from serving a sentence for stealing bread to help his sisters child from starving.  He would forever be branded a criminal and looked at with disdain and disgust.  The priest welcomes h...

You think about those "what ifs" and possible catastrophes, how you might handle them, how you're family would handle them.  You think about how "life is short" and you need to worry less, have more fun, enjoy life, appreciate your blessings.  You don't really KNOW this until it actually happens to you. A couple weeks ago I started having shortness of breath and feeling a tightness in my chest.  Norm and I thought it was caused by super tight muscles in my neck and shoulder, so he massaged me and it went away a little.  Then it came back on the weekend, I kind of brushed it off.  Last Wednesday I was at home with the kids when it came back and I started hyperventilating.  I made the choice to go pick up Norm from work so I could go to urgent care.  I barely made it to get him.  By the time we got to urgent care I had calmed down a bit and wasn't hyperventilating anymore.  They did an EKG, which was normal and a chest X-RAY...which was not....

In the last week alone I have read a couple different blogs about raising young girls and the horrible effect that our society has on them.  I read that girls as young as 3 worry about their weight.  WTF!?!  I think about when I was a young girl...I don't think I even thought about how I looked until I was maybe 10?  Okay probably earlier than that, but c'mon!  I thought my mom was beautiful, she wore hardly any make up if any.  I remember my aunt always looking nice and smelling nice.  Growing up people told me I should be a model, so I went to modeling school but that's as far as that went.  In 8th grade I cut my hair really short and I remember my girlfriends loved it, but boys didn't.  I remember being teased for being skinny.  Yeah...teased for being too skinny.  These days you get teased if you're not a size 0. As a woman, I feel beautiful.  I want to be in shape and healthy but don't care if I'm a certain size.  I...

I know that for many people talking about money is taboo.  The only reason I'm blogging about this is because I know it's possible some of you are in the same boat... Today as I'm reapplying for IBR (income based repayment) for my student loans, I'm having a thought that I often have..."was college worth this?"  I know my husband wonders this at times too because his student debt is astronomical.  However, he is about to further his education and prepare to do something he has felt God has truly called him to do. I went to Bible college and got a BA in...Bible.  My minor was in Music.  What is my job?  I'm a receptionist.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about my job or where I am.  I'm very thankful that I have a job.  I'm just wondering...was it worth thousands in loans to get a piece of paper I'm not using, 7 years after graduation?  I've said it before that if I hadn't gone to that school, I might not have met Norm...

Last night I had a small breakdown.  I had spent the day trying to unpack more boxes and organize, doing laundry, prepping dinner, doing Kieren's "school time", working, coming home to prep dinner for the next day...then crying.  Norm asked what was wrong and I said, "I just feel overwhelmed".  I realize that we just moved into a new house and that's a huge stresser in of itself.  I just started to feel like I was missing out on playing with the kids and having fun, because I was trying to get all these things done.  We talked last night about how after we're done with Kindergarten, we might send Kieren to school.  This whole home schooling thing is great and ideally works well with our work schedules...but that's just it, I work.  It might only be for 5 hours a day, in the evening, but it's hit me that this is not going to work long term.  It's no wonder to me why Moms that home school their kids don't usually have a job outside the home...

Last night I was scouring the internet for cheap Paleo meals.  We have a very limited budget for groceries that has to last us the next two weeks.  We are very pleased with how we have felt since switching to Paleo, not to mention the fact that I have lost 10 lbs!!  People, that is huge considering my weight has been pretty steady since I had Zoe.  I have had such a hard time losing that "muffin top" that appeared post birth.  ;) Anyway...enough about that.  The point is, when we go back to eating "regular" food, we do NOT feel great.  Last week we ended up eating burritos and Top Ramen, because well...it's cheap.  I definitely felt the effects though.  So I was determined to plan some Paleo meals this week, on a budget.  One of the recipes I found was for Sausage Stuffed Acorn Squash.  I did not buy organic sausage or vegi's this time, but at least the sausage was nitrate/nitrite free!  I have not tried it yet, gonna...

It is in my nature to be sensitive, caring and compassionate.  I hurt deeply for people.  If someone is hurting, maybe even someone I don't know, I want to cry and often do.  Why is it then that many times throughout my day, I do not feel very much compassion for my kids?  Before you decide to completely hate me, let me clarify a little bit... I love Kieren and Zoe with all my heart.  They are beautiful, smart, passionate little people that make me proud and amaze me everyday.  They also drive me crazy.  Today I was getting waaaaay too frustrated with Kieren and learning the alphabet.  I felt like, "why doesn't he know this?  He should know this by now!"  I told him he couldn't have any pie until he was willing to listen and learn his ABC's.  After cooling down, I was straightening my hair in the bathroom, staring at my own face and telling myself, "you are a total asshole."  "What is wrong with you?"  "You can't punish ...

Warning:  This is in no way a Paleo recipe...  ;) What do you do when it's cloudy and drizzly outside and National Pi Day?  Make pie of course!  We happened to have some frozen berries and one apple in the fridge, so I was inspired.  I looked online and found this recipe... Simple Blueberry Apple Pie www.foodnetwork.com Crust: 1 1/4 cups flour, plus extra for dusting Pinch of salt 1 stick of butter, cut into small cubes and frozen 1/4 cup ice water Filling: 16 ounces fresh blueberries (I used frozen mixed berries) 2 Golden Delicious apple, cored, peeled and cut into 1/2 inch dice (I used one Figi apple) 1/2 cup sugar 1/4 cup cornstarch (I was out, so I used flour and it worked fine) 1/2 tsp cinnamon 2 tsp fresh lemon juice Pinch of salt 2 tbsp butter, cut into small cubes 1 egg 2 tbsp turbinado sugar 9 inch pie pan **I also added some ground ginger to the filling Directions preheat oven to 400 degrees F For the crust: In a food pr...

 My second letter to my Dad... Dear Dad,             I hope you are doing well.   It’s so nice to see the flowers sprouting up and knowing that spring is near.   I’m sure it’s beautiful in Sonoma County right now and the apple blossom trees are blooming.             Part of our bedtime routine with the kids is to sing to them and one of the songs I sing is Pearly Shells, because you and my mom sang it to me when I was little.   It has always been very special to me.   A couple years ago, Norm gave me a Ukulele for Christmas and part of his gift to me was learning that song and playing it for me on Christmas morning.   Needless to say, I cried.   It was a beautiful and priceless gift.   I will forever be thankful for the time we lived in Hawaii.   Although I don’t really remember it, I have pictures and ...

Last night I was looking at old pictures of the kids and thinking, wow...where did those little babies go?  People always say "it goes by so fast!" but when you're right in the middle of the "terrible 2's, 3's, 4's...it doesn't seem like it.  It's not until you're sitting on the couch one night waiting for your 5 year old to pick out a story that it hits you like a mack truck; wow, he's a little man now and in about 2 years he'll probably be as tall as me.  We went to tuck Kieren in and I looked at Zoe's little angel face, sleeping peacefully.  I almost don't even remember what it was like when she was a tiny baby and need to look at pictures to remind me.  Maybe God makes it that way for a reason because when I look at those precious baby photos, I almost want another one.  HA.  Then I wake up to the nazgul screams in the middle of the night and realize, nope, I'm done.  I have realized lately that I get distracted by the ...

This morning I set out to go to the bank and do some light grocery shopping.  I did not expect to have the worst shopping trip of my 5 years as a mom.  We walk into Safeway and immediately they both start begging for balloons.  Thank you Safeway for strategically placing ginormous balloons all over your store.  Not to mention candy and toys...but I'll save that for another day.  Anyway, I calmly tell them that we will not be buying balloons today mainly because when we do, Kieren pops it about 10 minutes after receiving it.  He continues to beg and whine and cry until we get to the avocados and he basically sits on the floor and starts yelling.  That was it for me.  I take Zoe out of the cart, grab his hand and we storm out of the store.  I plop them in the car and sit in the front seat, fuming.  I made it clear that when we get home, he will be losing all of his colored balls (it's an incentive program we have going) and at least one to...

So, a while back I got a note from my Grandma.  We often talk about the (lack of) relationship I have with my Dad and how he has withdrawn from the world so to speak.  She said something about how he thinks he hasn't had influence in my life.  I can see why he would think that, but he couldn't be farther from the truth.  So, I have decided to start writing him letters to prove him wrong and I thought I would share them with you as well.  Yes it is a very intimate peak into my heart and lifelong struggle; but if you know me...well, I don't mind sharing!  Here is the first one... Feb 28, 2013 Dear Dad,             It has recently been brought to my attention that you feel that you have not had influence in my life.   Well, this has inspired me to begin writing you letters to prove you wrong.   ;)   You don’t have to respond, of course that is up to you.   I will not expect...

Since Norm and I have begun to feel a call back to ministry we have started talking about what this means for us.  He will need more schooling, so we've been looking at what our options are.  We started to feel like there was a clear direction to our goal but yesterday it started getting foggy again.  As his wife, of course it hurts me to see him dejected and feeling "stuck" again.  I know it's frustrating to feel like you should be going somewhere but just don't know how to get there. Yesterday afternoon I was playing play doh with the kids and staring at their beautiful little faces.  Most of the day, I'm pulling my hair out and plugging my ears because they're throbbing from the blood curdling screams.  Yet every once in a while, there is a sweet moment like that when I get to just watch them in peace and quiet and be tearfully thankful for all God has given me.  I was listening to Pandora and this song came on at that same moment... Would I b...

Last week we started Kindergarten.  We have a different set up than most families.  Kieren is not going to public or private school, but we're not doing "homeschool" either, in the sense that I make up the curriculum etc.  Some friends recommended a program they were using called CVA (Columbia Virtual Academy).  It's through the state of Washington and is awesome because everything is free.  I worked with an adviser to pick our curriculum.  We are doing Reading, Writing, Math, Science and Art.  Another nice thing is that they have a thing set up online for the reading aspect that we do along with it, that helps him with phonics and beginning to put words together.  Each week we "check in" with our teacher.  Kieren says what he has done in his own words, then I explain it below in more detail. Let me say, it has NOT been easy.  For example today, I was trying to explain the correct way of writing numbers on our little chalkboard and he ...

This has been my day, for the past few days...Kieren doesn't listen for whatever reason, I send him to time out (stomping and screaming bloody murder the whole way).  Behind his closed door I hear "I don't want you mommy!  I want you go away forever!!"  After he cools down and I (sort of) cool down, I ask him, "do you know what you said?"  "Do you want me to go away forever and never come back?"  Him, "yeah".  "Do you like me?"  Him, "sort of".  Some of you might read this and laugh to yourselves because you know he's only 5 and doesn't really know what he's saying.  For me though, it broke my heart and I sobbed for like 20 minutes.  I am such a sensitive person, always have been.  I remember holding him all day, nursing him to sleep and being his absolute most favorite person in the world.  Now, Daddy is his favorite and he says things like, "I want a different mommy that knows how to play video games...