Just Chill Out!
I don't have many memories from my childhood. A few here and there and most involve my cousin who might as well be my sister. Neither of us have siblings and are only three months apart so yes, we're basically sisters. I'm really thankful that I have her because it was tough back then. Being at my Mom's house during the week, going to my Dad's on the weekend. I remember being a pretty serious kid, divorce does that to you. Maybe that's why I have such a hard time now that I have my own kids, just chilling out and letting them be kids.
There's always a sink full of dirty dishes. Maybe it will stay empty for like 5 minutes, but seriously, it's never ending. There's always laundry that has to be done, dinner that needs to be prepped, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. My problem is I can't just let it be. It's like a disease, maybe a partially good disease, but bad in that it distracts me from what really matters. When my son asks me to play Lego's with him I need to drop everything and just play, instead of saying, "sorry I'm busy". When my daughter wants me to read her a story I need to just put the damn rag down and do it. Most of all, I need to cut the chord that attaches me to my phone and the incessant Facebook checking and check in with the REAL people that are right in front of me. Of course, having these little "escapes" are nice sometimes because sometimes we need to just ignore the screaming and whining...but mostly, I need to just stop.
Last night I was driving home from work and had what I like to call a "prayer cry". It's exactly that, I cry out to God (literally), in prayer. I had felt kind of down all day but didn't really know why, then it hit me. These little babes are not going to be little for long. I don't remember much of my childhood and a lot of what I do remember was stressful, confusing and sad. What I felt God telling me is that I need to CHILL OUT, just let my kids be kids and join in with them! If I can somehow become like a child again, maybe that will redeem what I feel I missed out on. I want my kids to have happy, positive, loving and peaceful memories of their childhood; not angry, stressful and scary ones. I want so much to be a good Mom, not just good but great. I want my kids to feel that I love and accept them, even when they do something wrong. It all came down to this last night, I want my kids to feel about me the way I feel about God. Whoa. I know that's pretty heavy but it's true and it's exactly what He is calling me to. To show them love in the way He shows it to me. I screw up all the time! Yet God is always there with his huge loving arms to welcome me in and speak gently to me. Is that how I react when someone spills their dinner on the floor or hits their sibling or me even? NO! I am the worst example of how I expect them to react and control their anger. I'm starting to go on a tangent now, sorry.
It is so hard being a parent. In my opinion, the most difficult thing in the world, aside from physically bringing them into the world (but that's another story). It is very humbling to realize how much I fall short but so encouraging to know I have an example to follow. My prayer is that somehow my kids would view me as full of grace, mercy, forgiveness, love and acceptance. It is something I will need to work on and strive for every second of the day. I will fail but I won't stop trying.
In the last week I started texting with one of my mom friends, April. We send each other little texts of encouragement, complaints or advice. Man does it help to know that we're not in this alone! It definitely "takes a village". It's amazing if you have the blessing of a spouse that is in it with you for support and encouragement but it's also nice to have friends and family to help lift you up, even if they're many miles away.
If you're having a rough day, just know that you are not alone. If you feel like a crappy parent, you are not alone. If you just want to give up because you have no clue what to do, you are not alone. It helps me to remember that to God, I am like a rebellious, stubborn, rude and snotty little child. He accepts and loves me no matter what. He helps me grow and learn but with a gentle hand. Lord, help me to be more like you...
There's always a sink full of dirty dishes. Maybe it will stay empty for like 5 minutes, but seriously, it's never ending. There's always laundry that has to be done, dinner that needs to be prepped, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. My problem is I can't just let it be. It's like a disease, maybe a partially good disease, but bad in that it distracts me from what really matters. When my son asks me to play Lego's with him I need to drop everything and just play, instead of saying, "sorry I'm busy". When my daughter wants me to read her a story I need to just put the damn rag down and do it. Most of all, I need to cut the chord that attaches me to my phone and the incessant Facebook checking and check in with the REAL people that are right in front of me. Of course, having these little "escapes" are nice sometimes because sometimes we need to just ignore the screaming and whining...but mostly, I need to just stop.
Last night I was driving home from work and had what I like to call a "prayer cry". It's exactly that, I cry out to God (literally), in prayer. I had felt kind of down all day but didn't really know why, then it hit me. These little babes are not going to be little for long. I don't remember much of my childhood and a lot of what I do remember was stressful, confusing and sad. What I felt God telling me is that I need to CHILL OUT, just let my kids be kids and join in with them! If I can somehow become like a child again, maybe that will redeem what I feel I missed out on. I want my kids to have happy, positive, loving and peaceful memories of their childhood; not angry, stressful and scary ones. I want so much to be a good Mom, not just good but great. I want my kids to feel that I love and accept them, even when they do something wrong. It all came down to this last night, I want my kids to feel about me the way I feel about God. Whoa. I know that's pretty heavy but it's true and it's exactly what He is calling me to. To show them love in the way He shows it to me. I screw up all the time! Yet God is always there with his huge loving arms to welcome me in and speak gently to me. Is that how I react when someone spills their dinner on the floor or hits their sibling or me even? NO! I am the worst example of how I expect them to react and control their anger. I'm starting to go on a tangent now, sorry.
It is so hard being a parent. In my opinion, the most difficult thing in the world, aside from physically bringing them into the world (but that's another story). It is very humbling to realize how much I fall short but so encouraging to know I have an example to follow. My prayer is that somehow my kids would view me as full of grace, mercy, forgiveness, love and acceptance. It is something I will need to work on and strive for every second of the day. I will fail but I won't stop trying.
In the last week I started texting with one of my mom friends, April. We send each other little texts of encouragement, complaints or advice. Man does it help to know that we're not in this alone! It definitely "takes a village". It's amazing if you have the blessing of a spouse that is in it with you for support and encouragement but it's also nice to have friends and family to help lift you up, even if they're many miles away.
If you're having a rough day, just know that you are not alone. If you feel like a crappy parent, you are not alone. If you just want to give up because you have no clue what to do, you are not alone. It helps me to remember that to God, I am like a rebellious, stubborn, rude and snotty little child. He accepts and loves me no matter what. He helps me grow and learn but with a gentle hand. Lord, help me to be more like you...
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