Married To My Best Friend
Some people marry their high school sweetheart. Some people are friends for many many years, they eventually fall in love and get married. I have the pleasure of being married to my best friend. I wouldn't say I married my best friend, but he became my best friend.
I grew up with divorce and witnessed a lot of dysfunctional relationships. Growing up in the church I was unsure how to approach dating and marriage. I jumped on the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" bandwagon like many of my friends, but that didn't last long. I had one boyfriend in high school and a few complicated friendships with boys. I went to a Christian college, where there was A LOT of pressure to find "the right one". Before I even moved into the dorms people were already setting me up in hypothetical relationships. I had a few major crushes but didn't really get into anything serious for the first year, which was good because heck, I was there to get a degree not an "MRS"! I was blessed to have a friend from back home to go to school with and we went through a very confusing time in our friendship. There was a lot of heartache on both sides but I can confidently say thank God we are still friends and did not end up marrying each other! After going through that time I just let go and asked God to be in control of any future romantic relationship. I was done. I was ready to just not even think about it. Well as it turned out, someone else was praying something similar and his name was Norm. Before Norm started at my school he had recently ended a long and dysfunctional relationship. He wasn't "looking" for anything either...but isn't that when these things tend to happen? We had mutual friends that we initially met through, and then we became fellow students and had a few classes together. I'll never forget the day he was going to preach in his class, I saw him down the hall all dressed up with a tie on and said something like "oh crap" under my breath. I knew I was "in trouble", as they say. While he was preaching his teacher (and someone I had a great deal of respect for) passed me a note that said, "if you're willing to be a preacher's wife, this one's a keeper". Norm knew I liked him and I knew he liked me but he was taking everything very seriously considering that he had just ended a five year relationship. Being that he is 6 years older than me he also thought that I would think he was "too old" and I thought he would think I was "too young". Before Easter of that year Norm went on a trip and during that time he fasted and prayed about asking me out. When I found this out later I was like, whoa, this guy is for real. Before we officially got together we had what all Christian college students have, a "DTR" (define the relationship). He told me some things from his past and things about his family and basically said, "do you still want to date me?" Well we know what my answer was.
When we got together we received some criticism. "Are you sure about this?" my friends asked. Everyone had their two cents to put in, but I knew...I mean, I KNEW. There was no question. This guy was for real, not to mention mature, smart, incredibly handsome and loved God. I didn't care what anyone said, I knew it in my heart. We dated for eight months and were engaged for eight months. We got married while we were still in school, kinda crazy. During our engagement we had some hard times learning how to communicate but we made it. Like I said, I wouldn't necessarily say that I "married my best friend"...but he became my best friend and I am so thankful for that. My first year of college I took a marriage and family class and I told my teacher, "I am terrified of getting married because I don't want to get divorced" and she said "you have to create your own pattern, you don't have to repeat the past". That gave me hope. We've been married for eight years now and I love him more, not less, than when we started out. I never knew that was possible. I just assumed (from what I had seen) that after many years of being married one just grows more and more bitter with and distant from their spouse. Instead we are a much better team than when we started, communicate better and love each other more. We pretty much never fight. I mean I could nit-pick about leaving socks on the floor, he could whine about not cleaning my hair out of the drain but it's just not worth it! You pick your battles, you remember what truly matters.
Knowing that I get to wake up next to my favorite person in the world, the only person that knows every nitty gritty thing about me and STILL loves me...well it still gives me chills. We have been through so much together and there have been many tears shed, don't get me wrong. But I would not want to do this with anyone else in the world. Norm was literally on his knees before he started at San Jose Christian College, being told by God to be a pastor. Since that time a lot has changed but we are back on track with that original calling. Unfortunately my time in the hospital this past summer has put things on hold when it comes to furthering his education so that he can become a pastor. Although I know it's not my fault, it's still hard to know that right when he felt like things were getting back on track, it all got blown out of the water. So we wait. Again. I know in my heart though, just like I KNEW that Norm was "the one" for me, that he has a gift. He has a heart to serve and he does whether it's in a church or where he works. He inspires me and I know when our kids are old enough to appreciate all he does, he will inspire them as well.
Wherever this road leads us and no matter how many bumps and potholes we must go through, I am blessed to have such an amazing man beside me.
I grew up with divorce and witnessed a lot of dysfunctional relationships. Growing up in the church I was unsure how to approach dating and marriage. I jumped on the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" bandwagon like many of my friends, but that didn't last long. I had one boyfriend in high school and a few complicated friendships with boys. I went to a Christian college, where there was A LOT of pressure to find "the right one". Before I even moved into the dorms people were already setting me up in hypothetical relationships. I had a few major crushes but didn't really get into anything serious for the first year, which was good because heck, I was there to get a degree not an "MRS"! I was blessed to have a friend from back home to go to school with and we went through a very confusing time in our friendship. There was a lot of heartache on both sides but I can confidently say thank God we are still friends and did not end up marrying each other! After going through that time I just let go and asked God to be in control of any future romantic relationship. I was done. I was ready to just not even think about it. Well as it turned out, someone else was praying something similar and his name was Norm. Before Norm started at my school he had recently ended a long and dysfunctional relationship. He wasn't "looking" for anything either...but isn't that when these things tend to happen? We had mutual friends that we initially met through, and then we became fellow students and had a few classes together. I'll never forget the day he was going to preach in his class, I saw him down the hall all dressed up with a tie on and said something like "oh crap" under my breath. I knew I was "in trouble", as they say. While he was preaching his teacher (and someone I had a great deal of respect for) passed me a note that said, "if you're willing to be a preacher's wife, this one's a keeper". Norm knew I liked him and I knew he liked me but he was taking everything very seriously considering that he had just ended a five year relationship. Being that he is 6 years older than me he also thought that I would think he was "too old" and I thought he would think I was "too young". Before Easter of that year Norm went on a trip and during that time he fasted and prayed about asking me out. When I found this out later I was like, whoa, this guy is for real. Before we officially got together we had what all Christian college students have, a "DTR" (define the relationship). He told me some things from his past and things about his family and basically said, "do you still want to date me?" Well we know what my answer was.
When we got together we received some criticism. "Are you sure about this?" my friends asked. Everyone had their two cents to put in, but I knew...I mean, I KNEW. There was no question. This guy was for real, not to mention mature, smart, incredibly handsome and loved God. I didn't care what anyone said, I knew it in my heart. We dated for eight months and were engaged for eight months. We got married while we were still in school, kinda crazy. During our engagement we had some hard times learning how to communicate but we made it. Like I said, I wouldn't necessarily say that I "married my best friend"...but he became my best friend and I am so thankful for that. My first year of college I took a marriage and family class and I told my teacher, "I am terrified of getting married because I don't want to get divorced" and she said "you have to create your own pattern, you don't have to repeat the past". That gave me hope. We've been married for eight years now and I love him more, not less, than when we started out. I never knew that was possible. I just assumed (from what I had seen) that after many years of being married one just grows more and more bitter with and distant from their spouse. Instead we are a much better team than when we started, communicate better and love each other more. We pretty much never fight. I mean I could nit-pick about leaving socks on the floor, he could whine about not cleaning my hair out of the drain but it's just not worth it! You pick your battles, you remember what truly matters.
Knowing that I get to wake up next to my favorite person in the world, the only person that knows every nitty gritty thing about me and STILL loves me...well it still gives me chills. We have been through so much together and there have been many tears shed, don't get me wrong. But I would not want to do this with anyone else in the world. Norm was literally on his knees before he started at San Jose Christian College, being told by God to be a pastor. Since that time a lot has changed but we are back on track with that original calling. Unfortunately my time in the hospital this past summer has put things on hold when it comes to furthering his education so that he can become a pastor. Although I know it's not my fault, it's still hard to know that right when he felt like things were getting back on track, it all got blown out of the water. So we wait. Again. I know in my heart though, just like I KNEW that Norm was "the one" for me, that he has a gift. He has a heart to serve and he does whether it's in a church or where he works. He inspires me and I know when our kids are old enough to appreciate all he does, he will inspire them as well.
Wherever this road leads us and no matter how many bumps and potholes we must go through, I am blessed to have such an amazing man beside me.
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