Motherhood Is Overwhelming...
Last night I had a small breakdown. I had spent the day trying to unpack more boxes and organize, doing laundry, prepping dinner, doing Kieren's "school time", working, coming home to prep dinner for the next day...then crying. Norm asked what was wrong and I said, "I just feel overwhelmed". I realize that we just moved into a new house and that's a huge stresser in of itself. I just started to feel like I was missing out on playing with the kids and having fun, because I was trying to get all these things done. We talked last night about how after we're done with Kindergarten, we might send Kieren to school. This whole home schooling thing is great and ideally works well with our work schedules...but that's just it, I work. It might only be for 5 hours a day, in the evening, but it's hit me that this is not going to work long term. It's no wonder to me why Moms that home school their kids don't usually have a job outside the home. I feel like if I continue past this year, Kieren would be missing out and not receiving the education he needs. I also think it could be really great for him to be away from Zoe during the day...that little girl is awesome and I know he loves her, but mostly she drives him crazy. :)
I feel like as Moms, we put all this pressure on ourselves to do EVERYTHING...we need to lighten up, let the laundry pile up a little and enjoy these precious moments before they're gone. I get jealous of Norm sometimes because the kids love to snuggle with him, are always running to him when he gets home and think he's the "fun one"...I'm just the one who is doing dishes all day. I'm not saying Norm doesn't do stuff, he totally does. He's always doing things around the house to help me out, but I'm the one there most of the day, so of course I do most of it. I blame myself though, for being too obsessive about housework and missing out on fun times with the kids. It's not easy for me to ignore a mess or something that needs to get done, so it's basically going to take an act of God to direct my attention to what truly matters, my precious babies.
I'm glad I had a mini breakdown last night because it helped me realize this important lesson. Of course I need to be reminded of this almost everyday...
"They" say, "It goes by so fast!" but when you're in the middle of it, it doesn't seem like it. It just feels like one long, exhausting day where the dishes never end and people are always screaming "juice!!!" at you. A couple weeks ago I was in California with family, one of whom was my cousin Ryen. When he was born I flew down to SoCal to "help" out and spent a week with his family. I was maybe 12 or 13. He is now 15. WHAT!?! When did that happen? Another cousin is about to graduate college...didn't she just start? This all just goes to show, it's true. I might not feel like it's going by fast right now, but I need to act like it. I need to savor each moment with these little guys, before they reach that point when they want nothing to do with me.
This afternoon I was sitting out on our little deck with Zoe having a conversation. Well, as much of a conversation as you can have with a two and a half year old... But I enjoyed every second of it and thanked God for that small moment. When I think about Kieren and Zoe my heart feels like its over flowing with love and brings tears to my eyes. In the moments when I want to bang my head against the wall, or feel like my ears are going to explode from the nazgul screams, I need to remember today out on the deck and remember that it's ALL worth it.
I feel like as Moms, we put all this pressure on ourselves to do EVERYTHING...we need to lighten up, let the laundry pile up a little and enjoy these precious moments before they're gone. I get jealous of Norm sometimes because the kids love to snuggle with him, are always running to him when he gets home and think he's the "fun one"...I'm just the one who is doing dishes all day. I'm not saying Norm doesn't do stuff, he totally does. He's always doing things around the house to help me out, but I'm the one there most of the day, so of course I do most of it. I blame myself though, for being too obsessive about housework and missing out on fun times with the kids. It's not easy for me to ignore a mess or something that needs to get done, so it's basically going to take an act of God to direct my attention to what truly matters, my precious babies.
I'm glad I had a mini breakdown last night because it helped me realize this important lesson. Of course I need to be reminded of this almost everyday...
"They" say, "It goes by so fast!" but when you're in the middle of it, it doesn't seem like it. It just feels like one long, exhausting day where the dishes never end and people are always screaming "juice!!!" at you. A couple weeks ago I was in California with family, one of whom was my cousin Ryen. When he was born I flew down to SoCal to "help" out and spent a week with his family. I was maybe 12 or 13. He is now 15. WHAT!?! When did that happen? Another cousin is about to graduate college...didn't she just start? This all just goes to show, it's true. I might not feel like it's going by fast right now, but I need to act like it. I need to savor each moment with these little guys, before they reach that point when they want nothing to do with me.
This afternoon I was sitting out on our little deck with Zoe having a conversation. Well, as much of a conversation as you can have with a two and a half year old... But I enjoyed every second of it and thanked God for that small moment. When I think about Kieren and Zoe my heart feels like its over flowing with love and brings tears to my eyes. In the moments when I want to bang my head against the wall, or feel like my ears are going to explode from the nazgul screams, I need to remember today out on the deck and remember that it's ALL worth it.
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