Green Pastures...Not What You Think
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This past weekend we went on our first church retreat and it was so refreshing and renewing to my soul. The title of the retreat was Playful Monasticism and the focus was Lectio Devina; an ancient art that is practiced through slow, contemplative praying of the Scriptures. On Saturday we focused on Psalm 23 and we watched a video that really impacted me. It showed a man taking a group of people on a tour in Egypt and helping them to see Psalm 23 in a new way. When I was growing up reading this Psalm I always pictured "green pastures" as beautiful rolling green hills that went on and on forever. The writer however was not living in Ireland or some lush green country, he was living in a barren desert land. In the video, the leader of the tour talked about the shepherd leading his or her sheep through the land. He pointed out how they graze and move through the hill. When you look at it though, you ask, "graze on what?" because it looks like just dry land. He said that while it is very rare, it does rain there and there is also moisture in the humid air. He told them to look down at the rocks and pointed out small tufts of grass sticking out. In connecting this to the Psalm he says, "In the desert you learn, the Shepherd will get you what you need for right now". Green pastures are not "belly deep alfalfa" (as he puts it), its small tufts of grass growing out of the the rocky desert. It's not abundant by any means, but it is just enough.
I'm going to rewind a bit to explain why this was so profound for me. If you know me well you know I'm a pretty open person and I don't really have secrets from anyone. If you think I'm over sharing, then just stop reading. This is who I am. Because of all the medical bills we have from my lung surgery in June, and lack of resources to pay even the smallest monthly payment, we have come to the realization we will likely be going through bankruptcy soon. Last week when this became real I was very emotional. I felt angry, confused about why this happened to me and although I know it wasn't my fault, but a total freak accident, I couldn't help but feel a burden that because it happened it is now affecting my family, financially. Declaring bankruptcy is not ideal. It's depressing and scary. It's a last resort. This weekend God taught me exactly what I needed to learn and gave me peace. We live paycheck to paycheck, literally. We scrape by to provide food for our family and often ask God why it's like this. We might be in financial ruin but we have just enough, and whatever happens, we will have just enough. Contrary to what many Christians might think, God does not promise abundant and over flowing provision but He will provide just enough to sustain us.
As I write this I can't help but think of the slums of India and beyond...there are so many in our world that do not even have "just enough". I don't have the answer for that. All I know right now is how God is working in my life. There is so much I don't understand. What I do know is that in this privileged, spoiled, abundant, selfish culture that we live in; I have just enough...and that is enough for me.
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This past weekend we went on our first church retreat and it was so refreshing and renewing to my soul. The title of the retreat was Playful Monasticism and the focus was Lectio Devina; an ancient art that is practiced through slow, contemplative praying of the Scriptures. On Saturday we focused on Psalm 23 and we watched a video that really impacted me. It showed a man taking a group of people on a tour in Egypt and helping them to see Psalm 23 in a new way. When I was growing up reading this Psalm I always pictured "green pastures" as beautiful rolling green hills that went on and on forever. The writer however was not living in Ireland or some lush green country, he was living in a barren desert land. In the video, the leader of the tour talked about the shepherd leading his or her sheep through the land. He pointed out how they graze and move through the hill. When you look at it though, you ask, "graze on what?" because it looks like just dry land. He said that while it is very rare, it does rain there and there is also moisture in the humid air. He told them to look down at the rocks and pointed out small tufts of grass sticking out. In connecting this to the Psalm he says, "In the desert you learn, the Shepherd will get you what you need for right now". Green pastures are not "belly deep alfalfa" (as he puts it), its small tufts of grass growing out of the the rocky desert. It's not abundant by any means, but it is just enough.
I'm going to rewind a bit to explain why this was so profound for me. If you know me well you know I'm a pretty open person and I don't really have secrets from anyone. If you think I'm over sharing, then just stop reading. This is who I am. Because of all the medical bills we have from my lung surgery in June, and lack of resources to pay even the smallest monthly payment, we have come to the realization we will likely be going through bankruptcy soon. Last week when this became real I was very emotional. I felt angry, confused about why this happened to me and although I know it wasn't my fault, but a total freak accident, I couldn't help but feel a burden that because it happened it is now affecting my family, financially. Declaring bankruptcy is not ideal. It's depressing and scary. It's a last resort. This weekend God taught me exactly what I needed to learn and gave me peace. We live paycheck to paycheck, literally. We scrape by to provide food for our family and often ask God why it's like this. We might be in financial ruin but we have just enough, and whatever happens, we will have just enough. Contrary to what many Christians might think, God does not promise abundant and over flowing provision but He will provide just enough to sustain us.
As I write this I can't help but think of the slums of India and beyond...there are so many in our world that do not even have "just enough". I don't have the answer for that. All I know right now is how God is working in my life. There is so much I don't understand. What I do know is that in this privileged, spoiled, abundant, selfish culture that we live in; I have just enough...and that is enough for me.
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