Letters to my Dad

So, a while back I got a note from my Grandma.  We often talk about the (lack of) relationship I have with my Dad and how he has withdrawn from the world so to speak.  She said something about how he thinks he hasn't had influence in my life.  I can see why he would think that, but he couldn't be farther from the truth.  So, I have decided to start writing him letters to prove him wrong and I thought I would share them with you as well.  Yes it is a very intimate peak into my heart and lifelong struggle; but if you know me...well, I don't mind sharing!  Here is the first one...



Feb 28, 2013

Dear Dad,
            It has recently been brought to my attention that you feel that you have not had influence in my life.  Well, this has inspired me to begin writing you letters to prove you wrong.  ;)  You don’t have to respond, of course that is up to you.  I will not expect a response since you haven’t been talking to me for some time now…but if I get one, I would be over the moon.
            I remember when you built me a tree house.  Thinking back on that now, as a parent, it means even more to me that you put the time and effort into giving me something so fun and adventurous.  I remember when you and Uncle Mo sent Ali and I to Aikido and we hated it.  We would pretend to be sleeping to get out of going.  But when I think back on that now…I am grateful for it and in fact, am interested in taking a class like that now, as an adult woman, because I feel like I need more confidence in my ability to protect myself.  I remember when you were working at the Ashram in Oakland and I did “seva” in the cafeteria or wherever they needed it.  At the time I was too distracted by my conservative Christian upbringing to understand that I was serving people.  Maybe those people worshipped a different ‘being’ than I did, but I was serving them, just as Jesus would have me do.  I am grateful for the exposure I had to different religions and cultures, the exposure that YOU gave me.  I am grateful for being present when you had meditation gatherings in your house.  I am grateful for the early mornings when you invited me to do yoga with you.  I realize now that meditation and yoga are not “evil” but life giving and restorative.  When I meditate it is on Christ and His peace, but I do meditate. 
            That’s all I’m going to say now because I plan on writing many letters with these memories.  I hope they can begin to bridge the gap between us.  I hope they show you how much I love and value you.  I have no expectations…only hopes.
Love Jasmine

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