Spice of Life

Let us build a house where hands will reach beyond the wood and stone to heal and strengthen, serve and teach, and live the Word they’ve known. Here the outcast and the stranger bear the image of God’s face; let us bring an end to fear and danger: All are welcome, all are welcome, all are welcome in this place. Let us build a house where all are named, their songs and visions heard and loved and treasured, taught and claimed as words within the Word. Built of tears and cries and laughter, prayers of faith and songs of grace, let this house proclaim from floor to rafter: All are welcome, all are welcome, all are welcome in this place. --Excerpt from Hymn "All Are Welcome"  We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord And we pray that our unity will one day be restored And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love Yeah they'll know we are Christians by our love We will work with each other, w...

I've been thinking lately about how we as humans have made God in our own image and how backwards and dangerous that is.  We were created in HIS image.  What makes us to be in His image is multi faceted and in some ways mysterious but for whatever reason throughout time mankind insists on making God in our image, putting Him in a box. I think when it comes to who we think Jesus was and is, we tend to see Him through various lenses.  Be it privilege or poverty, democrat or republican, conservative or liberal...we hold these lenses up to the person of Jesus and it influences how we live as Christians.  We like to think Jesus would never do ____ or say ____, therefore neither should I and neither should YOU!   I think that sometimes we conveniently forget who He was hanging out with most of the time in His ministry because it makes us uncomfortable.  Sure Jesus spent time with teachers of the Law, those high in society and the wealthy; but He spent just as m...

Matthew 22:34-40 "But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together.  And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him.  "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?"  And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment.  And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets." In the last couple years I have really gotten into reading stuff by Jen Hatmaker and she sums it up like this, "Love God love people, then end."  It's so basic, so simple...and yet not.  Jesus took on flesh, lived among us and then died for us so that we could be free from sin.  He embodied love, he lived out love and then he died so we might live.  Not only died though but conquered death by coming back to life.  Tha...

As you probably know we recently made a very big move.  On June 29th we woke up in a mostly empty house in Seattle and started packing up the van for a cross country trip.  We discovered that not everything fit in the van...surprise, surprise.  My mom and I packed up about 4 boxes of clothes and various things we wouldn't need for the trip out and took them to UPS.  We frantically loaded the van with suitcases, snacks, bags, baby paraphernalia, three adults, three kids and a large dog.  How did we all fit?  Just barely.  We took one last drive to Biojunction Sports Therapy and said some tearful goodbyes and then met my cousin Alyssa at Luna Park Cafe for breakfast...but sadly our last minute UPS run made us too late to sit with her and we could only hug, pray and cry.  That day we drove out of Seattle with no where to live and no jobs for any of us.  It was scary as hell, exciting and sad.  As we drive to Ellensburg listening to our "Mic...

We just finished reading The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe to Kieren and Zoe.  It was so fun  to hear Zoe say "I'm really getting into this!" as it was her first chapter book with no pictures.  They have seen the movie but they really enjoyed having it read to them.  My mom read the Chronicles of Narnia to me as a child and I read them again 10 years ago.  They are not just children's books, that is for sure.  What stood out to me this time was when Mr. Beaver tells the children that Aslan is "not a tame Lion but he is good".  When the kids were around him or heard him being talked about they would get this "feeling" inside, they couldn't help but feel curiosity and joy at hearing his name.  He could be terrifying and brutal at times but also extremely gentle and even playful. As I get older I find that I understand God less than I thought I did.  Maybe that's a good thing since He is so beyond our comprehension and we're no...

Tomorrow my #3 baby turns one and I just can't believe it.  How did the last year go by so fast?  If you had told me 2-3 years ago "you're going to have a third kid", I would have laughed.  At the time we were "done".  Norm had finally gotten back on track to get his MDiv (after being stalled because of my freak lung thing) and though a small part of me longed to have another baby we knew it wouldn't be the "responsible" thing to do.  Well in the fall of 2014 Norm and I sat down at Prost for a beer and I told him "I think I'm pregnant" and decided I would take a test that following morning.  I was a little freaked, I didn't know how he would react but he said "at this point I think I would be sad if it was negative".  Lo and behold, bonus baby! The past year has been hard.  Especially recently as we have been preparing to move.  As Freija has grown and been sleeping less, it made it more and more difficult for Norm...

A very dear friend responded to an email recently.  She is always so great at encouraging me, giving me new fresh perspective and this time she referenced a part in The Horse and His Boy (from Chronicles of Narnia).  Things have been hard lately...fucking hard.  Stress is high, emotions are all over...things are...unknown and that is scary as hell.  I don't have much else to say than to put this right here.... And being very tired and having nothing inside him, (Shasta) felt so sorry for himself that the tears rolled down his cheeks. What put a stop to all of this was a sudden fright. Shasta discovered that someone or somebody was walking beside him. It was pitch dark and he could see nothing. And the Thing (or Person) was going so quietly that he could hardly hear any footfalls. What he could hear was breathing. His invisible companion seemed to breathe on a very large scale, and Shasta got the impression that it was a very large creature. And he had come to no...

When I was in college, I believe it was the beginning of my second year, I suffered from anxiety.  All throughout adolescence people would always call me "skinny" but it was never because I didn't eat and no matter how much I was teased I never suffered from any kind of eating disorder.  Yet when I began to feel extreme anxiety in college, I could hardly eat.  I would go on dates and be scared to eat, I would be at home with my friends and had no appetite.  At school basically the only thing I could get down was salad and the only time I felt comfortable and relaxed enough to eat was with a very special friend.  Talking with her about what I was going through and just being with her was very calming to me and would ease my worries.  To this day I honestly don't know what was causing this nearly debilitating fear and worry but thankfully it was only for a season and while I of course have many worries and fears now (I mean I am a mom after all), it has not a...

Ever have a realization that smacks you upside the head?  You feel satisfaction for having realized it but also utter stupidity because it took you this long?  Yeah...that is me tonight.  I've been reading For The Love by Jen Hatmaker and I tell you people, it is exactly what I needed at this stage of my life.  Tonight I read this about "calling", " To Mama at home with a bunch of littles, you can live a life worthy right now.  You calling is today.  God makes you worthy as you desire goodness for your children, meeting needs and nurturing little souls.  No future calling is any more important than your current station.  Every good, meaningful possibility is yours today.  You have access to the kingdom now: the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  That is every Christians's calling, and the gospel is perfectly demonstrated through the daily labor of parenting."   The ironic ...

We have lived in Seattle for 7 years now, longer than I've lived anywhere except for where I grew up.  I've come to realize something though..."Home" is not where I grew up or the place I've lived the longest... I got this for Norm months ago when we first started talking about feeling God calling us to Michigan.  For a while we were putting a huge effort into finding jobs before moving thinking we had to have "all our ducks in a row" before we went because hey, no one will rent to us if we don't have jobs and it's just too scary to move somewhere like that, I mean "what if"?!  We have had many ups and downs in the whole process and this past week we decided to just go for it, to "step out of the boat" if you will and trust that God will take care of us.  Since we made that decision and gave notice at work, the support we have received from our Michigan community (yes we already have one there) has been amazing.  The fr...

Like I have said before the statement "it takes a village" is completely true when it comes to raising children.  We have definitely experienced this with my mom living with us, having her around is priceless.  I have also learned to include fellow mothers in this "village".  It might look like a quick text of encouraging words, accepting an offer of help or kids' clothes, commiserating about a really hard day over coffee (or wine) and the list goes on...I have come to think of these women as sisters and an integral part of my life.  Some have kids that are older and can offer wisdom from their experience and some are in the same stage of life we are in.  These women have given us countless bags of clothes and baby paraphernalia (when we found out we were having our surprise baby and had given everything away).  Zoe has received basically her entire wardrobe from them.  One friend put great effort into brainstorming how to make life easier for me after...

Today we went to the park and everyone was enjoying themselves until the meltdowns began.  Someone got hurt and needed an ice pack, the other one couldn't concentrate on the monkey bars because his sister was singing.  I mean, really people?!  WOW.  Anyhow, we eventually left and Kieren was angry so he started kicking my seat and throwing things.  He often says "don't make me angry" (sort of like the Hulk) and I try and explain that he is in control of his own body, his responses and actions.  He wasn't at a point where he could listen to me though, he was too absorbed in his anger so I immediately pulled the car over.  I said "get out of the car and go stand on the sidewalk until you are calm".  We sat there for a while and I would ask him occasionally "are you calm?" to which he would emphatically respond "NO".  He got in the car and was still super angry so I decided to try out a little "Love and Logic" (super awesome boo...

I've always thought myself to be a forgiving person, I don't usually hold grudges and harbor resentment.  I have a distant father and it took me years to truly forgive him and let go of all that...I still email him pictures of his grandchildren and say hi occasionally even though he doesn't write back.  It's hard, it still hurts but I believe I've forgiven him.  I have been having a hard time with someone lately, growing feelings of resentment and tonight I realized wow, I need to forgive this person.  They have not asked for forgiveness and I'm pretty sure they don't even think they need to be forgiven... I won't go too much into detail but basically I feel that this person has taken advantage of my husband over the past several years.  It appears they are not even aware that they have...but essentially they have taken a man with an incredible work ethic, heart for people and strong desire to provide for his growing family and drained it to the last d...

Wikipedia describes drowning, Drowning itself is quick and silent, although it may be preceded by distress which is more visible. [3]  A person drowning is unable to shout or call for help, or seek attention, as they cannot obtain enough air. The  instinctive drowning response  is the final set of  autonomic reactions  in the 20 – 60 seconds before sinking underwater, and to the untrained eye can look similar to calm safe behavior. [3] [4]   Lifeguards  and other persons trained in rescue learn to recognize drowning people by watching for these movements. [3] This definition describes pretty perfectly what I witnessed happening to my husband two nights ago, not literally but emotionally.  The kids were talking to him while he was getting them dessert, he went to our room, closed both doors and climbed under the covers.  I gave him a few minutes because after 10 years of marriage you know when your spouse needs space, you know the sign...

Today we got our Jesus Storybook Bible in the mail so I started reading some to the kids.  We read about the beginning, creation and the garden.  Life as God meant it to be....perfect, no sickness, no tears...only love, perfect love.  Sigh...the worlds greatest fairy tale, love story and adventure all rolled into one.  This has not been a good week for me.  I have been pretty low, feeling depressed, lonely, like a failure at life.  Sure that might sound dramatic but it's real.  Homeschooling has been hard, fucking hard.  Excuse me, but I think it deserves an expletive.  It's been rewarding, when I see my boy excelling in reading, but the tough times have begun to outweigh the good times.  I've been depressed because I rarely see my husband and when I do it's either a hi/bye when he gets home and I drive in to work or after putting the kids to bed, when we're both tired and drained.  Throw on top of that the fact that he's in school ...

Lately I've been thinking about our culture and how busy we are.  I work at a physical therapy clinic and a large part of my job is scheduling patients.  Sometimes it doesn't take long for them to figure out the best day and time to come in, other times they're standing there for what seems like hours hemming and hawing..."Umm, next week I'm slammed.  I have this thing and that thing and I have to take my kid to this and that."  Which brings me to my main point, are we training our little people to be busy, over committed adults?  Don't get me wrong, I think organized sports, dance lessons, music lessons and martial arts are excellent things for our kids to be involved in and absolutely plan on finding the right one for our kids (when we can afford it); but I also think it's possible to do too much.  I know so many adults that are over committed in their lives and lack the ability to say "no".  I learned in college how important boundaries ar...

Before 9 am it is inevitable that someone is throwing a full blown tantrum in my house.  It could be me or it could be one of the older kids (thankfully Freija isn't at tantrum stage yet).  The other night I thought to myself, I'm going to start the morning with some yoga and get the kids to join me.  What a great way to begin our day, calm our spirits and make our bodies feel good!  I had visions of Kieren, Zoe and I doing yoga with birds chirping in the background and our day just being miraculous, with no fighting or screaming or "I'm done! I give up!" (from Kieren).  I went to sleep with high hopes people.  I thought, hey tomorrow is a new day!  Well if I could get in a time machine and go back and talk to myself I would just laugh in my face and say "fat chance Jasmine!". After breakfast I put on a You Tube video of a woman doing Surya Namaskar (salutations to the sun) it's simple and short (that' why I picked it) but I have fond memories ...

I rarely wear make up and if I do it's a little eye shadow and sometimes face powder but on the rare days I do put it on, of course Zoe is right there next to me staring up at me the whole time.  She usually says something like, "wow you're beautiful" or "you're more beautifuler than me"...which makes me cringe.  The other day I found myself really upset that she was watching me and wondered why I felt so strongly.  I always tell her that I don't need make up but I wear it because it's fun.  Of course it makes me feel good when she says she thinks I'm beautiful but it breaks my heart to hear her say, "you're more beautifuler than me"...I mean, where does that come from?  She's five and she's already comparing herself to other women?  I hate that.  Is it so ingrained in our culture that young girls are already thinking that way?  I have never acted or spoken that way around her, I have never compared myself to other women...

We have good days and bad days since we started doing home school.  Some days Kieren is in his room reading a book enthusiastically and I'm listening in feeling so proud of his improvement.  Some days he transitions from "break" time into lesson time pretty smoothly and totally nails his spelling words or math problems and has fun.  Other days are bad and he puts up a fight when it's time to do a lesson or read a book...and then there are the really, REALLY, epic bad days like today.  Today when it was time to start he screamed at me about how he "hates school" and I am "the worst mom in the universe" (because I told him calmly that his disrespectful attitude would have to stay up on his bed with him and was not allowed in the rest of the house).  When he came out I asked, "can I have a hug?" and his response was, "No, no hugs for you".  I tried to talk with him again and again and finally we were able to have a civil conversati...