The Best Intentions and High Expectations...
Before 9 am it is inevitable that someone is throwing a full blown tantrum in my house. It could be me or it could be one of the older kids (thankfully Freija isn't at tantrum stage yet). The other night I thought to myself, I'm going to start the morning with some yoga and get the kids to join me. What a great way to begin our day, calm our spirits and make our bodies feel good! I had visions of Kieren, Zoe and I doing yoga with birds chirping in the background and our day just being miraculous, with no fighting or screaming or "I'm done! I give up!" (from Kieren). I went to sleep with high hopes people. I thought, hey tomorrow is a new day! Well if I could get in a time machine and go back and talk to myself I would just laugh in my face and say "fat chance Jasmine!".
After breakfast I put on a You Tube video of a woman doing Surya Namaskar (salutations to the sun) it's simple and short (that' why I picked it) but I have fond memories of doing it with my Dad when I was young. Zoe loves doing Yoga with me, we have a DVD for kids that she always likes putting on even it's only her doing it. So I get the mats set up and put Freija in her bouncy seat and start the video. They were pretty gung ho until I raised my arms up and accidentally whacked Kieren in the face at which point he yells, "I'm done! I hate yoga! It beats me up!". See everything with this boy is to the extreme and dramatic. Maybe one day he will use this power for good and be an actor or a advocate for social justice or something. The point is my dream of us waking up and doing yoga as a family and thus having an absolutely wonderful day failed after 5 seconds. C'est la vie.
Lately our big struggle is learning how to control anger and express it in a more healthy and less destructive way. I do my damnedest to remain calm and set a good example of what that looks like but some days it's just impossible. I can say everything in a very level and calm manner with no hint of sarcasm or meanness in my voice and he will still tell me he doesn't like my tone and that I'm the one being rude to him. At which point I will tell him to go spend some time in his room...and chaos ensues. Yesterday we had a talk about hitting his pillow or mattress to get out his anger, then come out and talk to me. He went in there and ripped up a very special bear that my aunt made (who passed away when I was young). I was livid. I couldn't even talk to him. I know he doesn't do these things with a mean spirit or with intentions of hurting me, that's just not who he is and I don't think at 8 he is even capable of that. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier. He had some serious attitude with me today so Norm told me "tell him he's in trouble with me now and when I get home it's not going to be fun". That put the fear of God in him, let me tell you. For whatever reason he just has a different sort of respect for Dad than he does for me. I reassured him that of course Dad wouldn't hurt you but he is definitely going to talk to you and there will be consequences for your actions. Then in the car to pick up Zoe I talked to him about Anakin and what happened when he let his anger control him instead of learning how to control his anger, he killed Padme! I'm trying to teach him about how what we do or say in our anger doesn't just hurt us, it hurts others as well. I know he knows this! Yet it happens over and over every day.
I have been realizing lately that maybe I'm just a little too wishy washy. I definitely lay out the rules and expectations but maybe I just don't put my foot down enough. Last night Kieren was goofing off during Zoe's story time and it was funny the first time he hit me with the balloon but then I asked him to stop. I asked him 3 times and then he hit the ballon into Norm's face while he was reading to Zoe. I said "that's it you're going to bed now with no story". He definitely didn't like that and tried his best to negotiate with me but I didn't have any of it. I explained to him that as an adult if I am speeding and a cop pulls me over he will give me a ticket and I will have to pay for my mistake. There is no negotiating or getting out of it, it just is what it is. I told him, if you don't receive consequences for your actions now you will grow up and think you can just do whatever you want and get away with it! I think it got through.
Man parenting is hard and a majority of the time I feel I am just learning as I go. I have some good moments and I have some moments when I feel like a failure. I hope this can encourage someone...you're not alone.
After breakfast I put on a You Tube video of a woman doing Surya Namaskar (salutations to the sun) it's simple and short (that' why I picked it) but I have fond memories of doing it with my Dad when I was young. Zoe loves doing Yoga with me, we have a DVD for kids that she always likes putting on even it's only her doing it. So I get the mats set up and put Freija in her bouncy seat and start the video. They were pretty gung ho until I raised my arms up and accidentally whacked Kieren in the face at which point he yells, "I'm done! I hate yoga! It beats me up!". See everything with this boy is to the extreme and dramatic. Maybe one day he will use this power for good and be an actor or a advocate for social justice or something. The point is my dream of us waking up and doing yoga as a family and thus having an absolutely wonderful day failed after 5 seconds. C'est la vie.
Lately our big struggle is learning how to control anger and express it in a more healthy and less destructive way. I do my damnedest to remain calm and set a good example of what that looks like but some days it's just impossible. I can say everything in a very level and calm manner with no hint of sarcasm or meanness in my voice and he will still tell me he doesn't like my tone and that I'm the one being rude to him. At which point I will tell him to go spend some time in his room...and chaos ensues. Yesterday we had a talk about hitting his pillow or mattress to get out his anger, then come out and talk to me. He went in there and ripped up a very special bear that my aunt made (who passed away when I was young). I was livid. I couldn't even talk to him. I know he doesn't do these things with a mean spirit or with intentions of hurting me, that's just not who he is and I don't think at 8 he is even capable of that. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier. He had some serious attitude with me today so Norm told me "tell him he's in trouble with me now and when I get home it's not going to be fun". That put the fear of God in him, let me tell you. For whatever reason he just has a different sort of respect for Dad than he does for me. I reassured him that of course Dad wouldn't hurt you but he is definitely going to talk to you and there will be consequences for your actions. Then in the car to pick up Zoe I talked to him about Anakin and what happened when he let his anger control him instead of learning how to control his anger, he killed Padme! I'm trying to teach him about how what we do or say in our anger doesn't just hurt us, it hurts others as well. I know he knows this! Yet it happens over and over every day.
I have been realizing lately that maybe I'm just a little too wishy washy. I definitely lay out the rules and expectations but maybe I just don't put my foot down enough. Last night Kieren was goofing off during Zoe's story time and it was funny the first time he hit me with the balloon but then I asked him to stop. I asked him 3 times and then he hit the ballon into Norm's face while he was reading to Zoe. I said "that's it you're going to bed now with no story". He definitely didn't like that and tried his best to negotiate with me but I didn't have any of it. I explained to him that as an adult if I am speeding and a cop pulls me over he will give me a ticket and I will have to pay for my mistake. There is no negotiating or getting out of it, it just is what it is. I told him, if you don't receive consequences for your actions now you will grow up and think you can just do whatever you want and get away with it! I think it got through.
Man parenting is hard and a majority of the time I feel I am just learning as I go. I have some good moments and I have some moments when I feel like a failure. I hope this can encourage someone...you're not alone.
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