Spice of Life

The days have just been flying by.  I swear just yesterday Norm and I were at Prost and I was telling him I might be pregnant...now our number 3 "surprise baby" is 6 months old.  I've decided that the more kids you have, it's not that time goes faster but you just realize it more.  With the first we were so happy and excited to see him reach each milestone.  The second came and we were learning how to juggle a baby and still give the toddler the attention he needed.  Then the third came and I'm just amazed at how fast it seems to be flying by and I want to tell her, no no it's ok you don't have to hold your head up yet, learn to crawl, etc etc etc.  I know she is our last (yeah yeah I realize I said that after Zoe) but really, this time we're pretty sure and I'm okay with that...before Freija I admit I was secretly pretty sad that I was done having babies so while it was a shock that I was pregnant I was so, so, so happy.  She is so full of joy and...

Today we celebrated my Mom's birthday, went to see Mocking jay Part 2 with her and my cousin and it was really fun.  I didn't really see Norm much though so I was looking forward to our usual put the kids to bed then watch Arrow or something on Netflix time.  So when he ended up falling asleep when I was reading to Kieren I was pretty bummed.  I felt sorry for myself a little bit and then this song came to me that I heard Friday in the car that had tears streaming down my face.  It's one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite singers Christy Nockles, Still ...and goes a little bit like this... The more I get alone The more I see I need to get alone more, more Cause just when I think that I'm alone Your Spirit calls out to me And even silence has a song Cause that's when You come Sing over me Still, let me be still Let me be okay With the quiet in my heart Still, I want to be still I'm so quick to move Instead of listening to You Shut my mouth ...

This has been a year when I have encountered difficult circumstances and made choices I had at one point in life said I would "never" make. Our precious third baby was born on June 15th and at the 3 day home visit she had lost over 10% of her weight, which is not good.  My midwife mixed up a bottle of formula and said "here give this to her".  With a lump in my throat and tears brimming, I fed my baby formula for the first time ever.  The other two kids never had issues with nursing, my milk came in fine and there was enough.  Years ago I would have made some ignorant remark such as, "why would you give your baby formula when your body produces the best food there is?"  Now I knew why and felt like such a bitch for ever thinking that.  When your baby is starving and your body just isn't doing what you think it "should" for whatever reason, you do what you have to do to make sure your child is healthy damn it!  I have since been taking vario...

We’ve been really into watching Arrow on Netflix and unless you have seen it you’re not going to get this reference so I’m sorry.  Today I am feeling so angry and fed up with the public school system.  On my drive in to work I was thinking, you know if I was Oliver Queen I would walk up to that school (who is in my mind Malcolm Merlyn) and say in my deep altered voice, “you have failed this city” and when I say “city” I am of course talking about Kieren.  Let me back up a little…this year has been rough, it started with a teacher strike that delayed the start of school.  A couple weeks in I met with his teacher and she told me he is a grade behind in reading.  He tells us repeatedly “I hate school” and “I have no friends”.  I spoke with a neighbor who recently found out her son is dyslexic and they have been working to figure out what he needs to support him in school, he also receives tutoring outside school.  His teacher though has the “old school” ...

So...I've been a mom for 7 years and 7 months now and it has definitely changed me.  Don't get me wrong, even when I was in Jnr. High, High School and College I was known as a "party pooper".  I never stayed up all night at slumber parties because not getting sleep always made me feel sick.  I was not a "partier" in High School, I didn't stay out past curfew or drink with my friends.  I wanted to be responsible, not make my mom worry.  Even so, I knew how to have fun and be goofy.  Maybe it was singing to Back Street Boys as loud as possible in my car while driving my friends to youth group (let me be clear though, I liked them "ironically" in a hipster way, not for reals).  Or maybe it was driving home from college on the weekend with my friend Jessica and doing "the shaker" or other silly dance moves.  Back in High School I could TP with the best of them and play friendly pranks on my friends.  In college I loved spontaneous beach t...

June 15 th about 2am… A little back story first…our baby girl was due on June 10 th and we had been anxiously anticipating her arrival since about the middle of May when I started having pretty regular “Braxton hicks” contractions.   Sometimes they would start in the middle of the night and be consistent enough to compel me to page my midwives; “page us again if your water breaks, you have bloody show or the contractions get stronger” they would say each time with the utmost patience and care.   Other times, the contractions would happen in the middle of the day, one time strong enough for me to leave work immediately and drive home.   This continued and was quite frustrating.   I was doing my best to enjoy pregnancy knowing it was my last, but the constant “is this it?” was trying for me and for Norm.   I knew she would come when she was ready so once I hit my due date and beyond I just figured well, let’s get on with life and let the little lady come in...

I was born at home under water, so I grew up thinking this was a very "normal" thing to do.  When I was pregnant with my first and started telling people I was going to deliver at home I received many different reactions, "Why would you do that?";  "Isn't that dangerous?"; "Ohhh really? Hmmm".  We were living in California and you would think people would be a bit more open minded, granted we were not in Sonoma County where I grew up, we were living in the Sacramento area which is a little more conservative.  However I was connected to my midwife through a friend who worked at my university.  We moved to Seattle when Kieren was about a year and a half and later that year I found out I was pregnant with Zoe.  This time when people asked where I would deliver and I replied "home", there was practically no surprise in their reaction, in fact they were very supportive (for the most part).  I found a great team of midwives in Capital Hil...

This morning for my devotion I was reading in 1 Samuel when Hannah takes her son to the temple after he was "weaned", which would have been about age 3 or 4.  She had been unable to have children but God gave her Samuel and she made a decision to give him back to her Lord, to have him raised in the temple.  My reading this morning was a reminder that our children belong to God.  Everything is His, but my children belonging to Him is not always at the front of my mind.  I carried these tiny people inside my body, endured intense physical pain to bring them into the world, nursed them, snuggled them, lost great amounts of sleep for them...and I'm about to do it all again in less than a month.  These kids are mine!  Well yes, they are...but ultimately they belong to the Lord.  He "knit" them together in my womb...a beautiful miracle that I will never fully fathom.  He gives me a great deal of grace and patience (mostly for myself) when I feel I'm com...

When we found out I was pregnant I started thinking about what this would be like for the kids, especially Zoe our youngest.  When they told us we were having a girl, it was on my mind even more.  Okay, so she's not going to be the “baby girl” or “Daddy’s little girl” anymore (I mean she still will be, just not the only one)…man, how is she going to take it?  How will she react and respond?  Then it hit me one day when she was being super adorable and saying “I love you Mommy!” for the 50 th time (which I never get tired of by the way)… am I ready to share my heart with another little girl?  This had never crossed my mind.  I was so concerned with how it would affect her and how she would respond or act out that I had not even considered the effect it would have on me.  Kieren is my boy and will always be my only boy.  Sure, Zoe has a very unique personality and no one could ever replace her but in about 3 months she will not be the only girl....

I read a blog this morning that was very encouraging and inspiring.  The woman who wrote it had read a book as a young girl of 8 that inspired her to be a missionary when she grew up.  She had several over-seas type mission experiences but never actually became a "missionary" in the way she thought God had originally called her.  She got married and her and her husband served in ministry together in various ways.  As an adult she wrestled with this but eventually came to the realization that God had not necessarily called her to go on a "mission" somewhere, but to live "in mission" wherever she was and to love people. This is so encouraging to me.  When I was in junior high I went to a missions conference and was inspired to be a missionary but what I think it really comes down to is God was giving me a desire to love and help others.  In high school I went to Mexico every year to build houses and those years were life changing.  Not too long ago, as...

It's no secret that one of my favorite shows EVER is Parenthood and the next episode is the series finale so I'm pretty bummed.  I've been reflecting on it lately and have come to a realization.  It is such a real to life show, so raw and full of emotion.  It's about a large family, the patriarch and matriarch and their children and grand children.  I am an only child so I can't relate to being one of four siblings and the fact that they all live in the same city, have family dinners regularly and are quite involved in one another's lives.  However I do relate very much to Amber (one of the grand kids).  Her mom Sarah had been a sort of "black sheep" in the family and gone through a lot, including a divorce.  So Amber had grown up without much of a fatherly presence in her life.  Now, at the end of the show she is having her own child and is reflecting on her fathers way of reacting.  He sent a crib for her baby but was not there to help buil...

"This is the best day ever!!" is something our son says about every other day.  Often "this is the worst day ever" will follow if his sister bites him or something doesn't go his way, yeah kids are fickle.  It's become a really cute thing he does though, so much so that we want to get a shirt made for him.  Well, I had one of those days recently and I've been thinking about it so much I figured I might as well write about it. Our dear friends James and Tressa got married.  A couple days before the wedding I was talking to my mom about when we first started to get to know James and how my first thought had been "do I know a nice girl for him?".  He's just one of those great guys that you hope will one day meet someone as amazing as he is...and he did!  We are so happy for them and it was so exciting to be able to brew beer for their wedding and watch everyone enjoy it.  It was a beautiful wedding and of course when Tressa walked down the a...