Still

Today we celebrated my Mom's birthday, went to see Mocking jay Part 2 with her and my cousin and it was really fun.  I didn't really see Norm much though so I was looking forward to our usual put the kids to bed then watch Arrow or something on Netflix time.  So when he ended up falling asleep when I was reading to Kieren I was pretty bummed.  I felt sorry for myself a little bit and then this song came to me that I heard Friday in the car that had tears streaming down my face.  It's one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite singers Christy Nockles, Still...and goes a little bit like this...

 The more I get alone
The more I see I need to get alone more, more
Cause just when I think that I'm alone
Your Spirit calls out to me
And even silence has a song
Cause that's when You come
Sing over me
Still, let me be still
Let me be okay
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to You
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life
Still
Of this world, it falls around me
And flutters all it's beauty in my eyes
But let me choose the solitude
Simplicity has always simply changed my life
Cause even stillness makes me move
Cause that's when my heart
Learns to dance with you...
I'm your child
Tame my heart
Obedience
To me impart
Still
La la la la la. Hold me
La la la la la, cleanse me
La la la la la, change me, oh God
Change me while I am
Still, let me be still
And know that you are God
And You're always enough
Still, I want to be still
To take all that I am
And simply lift it up
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life
Still... Still.. Still.. Still...

The reason this song hit me so hard yesterday is because I realized I don't do this anymore.  I don't sit in stillness and meditate on God.  I think back to high school and college when I was so in love with Jesus and I have to say I miss those times.  Don't get me wrong, I still love Him with all my heart but it has definitely changed, life has changed and become so busy that I often forget to be...still.  When I have a moment...such as tonight, I sit in the quiet and stillness and think, "man this feels lonely" instead of seeing it as an opportunity to be still in God's presence and listen.  Having children and caring for them is one of the highest callings and so amazing...but I am learning that I must MAKE time to be still, to try to forget the meal plan and the laundry for one second so that I can allow the Lord to fill me up again, to refresh and renew my spirit because if I don't let Him...how can I be the mom or wife He wants me to be?  Not just that though, I need a reminder who I am in Him.  I am a mother and wife, yes...but I am first a daughter of God.  He is my first love and everything else is founded on and rooted in Him...if I loose sight of that, everything else will crumble.  I am thankful that tonight I was able to get over myself and instead of continuing to feel sorry for myself, I embraced the gift of this alone time...but not alone because the God of the universe was moving in my heart.  I pray for you if you're reading this that you can hear the words of this song, that it stirs in you and helps you to be...Still.

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