Enough love to go around

When we found out I was pregnant I started thinking about what this would be like for the kids, especially Zoe our youngest.  When they told us we were having a girl, it was on my mind even more.  Okay, so she's not going to be the “baby girl” or “Daddy’s little girl” anymore (I mean she still will be, just not the only one)…man, how is she going to take it?  How will she react and respond?  Then it hit me one day when she was being super adorable and saying “I love you Mommy!” for the 50th time (which I never get tired of by the way)…am I ready to share my heart with another little girl?  This had never crossed my mind.  I was so concerned with how it would affect her and how she would respond or act out that I had not even considered the effect it would have on me.  Kieren is my boy and will always be my only boy.  Sure, Zoe has a very unique personality and no one could ever replace her but in about 3 months she will not be the only girl.  She is an excellent helper and I’m positive she will be an amazing big sister.  I just can’t help but feel a tiny bit of loss and I’m surprised and a little guilty for feeling this way.  Zoe is only 4 and she and I already butt heads.  She is also so sweet, loving and full of life.  Just yesterday I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes for a few minutes and she snuggled up next to me and we ended up napping together, so precious.  Every once in a while she will talk about when the baby comes and asks if it will hurt, when I say yes she responds with “I will be with you Mommy” and pats me on the shoulder.  As a parent I know for a fact that I have plenty of love to go around and that will become even more evident when this tiny life is born and I’m holding her in my arms with my husband and Kieren and Zoe around me.  For now I am going to soak up every second with them and plan on how I can have dates with them to make sure they still feel loved and special.  I just wonder how many other mom’s feel this way when they are about to have their 3rd, 4th and so on but just don’t talk about it.  It’s a selfish feeling and makes me feel a little bad but I just thought it should be said.

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