Spice of Life

So, a while back I got a note from my Grandma.  We often talk about the (lack of) relationship I have with my Dad and how he has withdrawn from the world so to speak.  She said something about how he thinks he hasn't had influence in my life.  I can see why he would think that, but he couldn't be farther from the truth.  So, I have decided to start writing him letters to prove him wrong and I thought I would share them with you as well.  Yes it is a very intimate peak into my heart and lifelong struggle; but if you know me...well, I don't mind sharing!  Here is the first one... Feb 28, 2013 Dear Dad,             It has recently been brought to my attention that you feel that you have not had influence in my life.   Well, this has inspired me to begin writing you letters to prove you wrong.   ;)   You don’t have to respond, of course that is up to you.   I will not expect...

Since Norm and I have begun to feel a call back to ministry we have started talking about what this means for us.  He will need more schooling, so we've been looking at what our options are.  We started to feel like there was a clear direction to our goal but yesterday it started getting foggy again.  As his wife, of course it hurts me to see him dejected and feeling "stuck" again.  I know it's frustrating to feel like you should be going somewhere but just don't know how to get there. Yesterday afternoon I was playing play doh with the kids and staring at their beautiful little faces.  Most of the day, I'm pulling my hair out and plugging my ears because they're throbbing from the blood curdling screams.  Yet every once in a while, there is a sweet moment like that when I get to just watch them in peace and quiet and be tearfully thankful for all God has given me.  I was listening to Pandora and this song came on at that same moment... Would I b...

Last week we started Kindergarten.  We have a different set up than most families.  Kieren is not going to public or private school, but we're not doing "homeschool" either, in the sense that I make up the curriculum etc.  Some friends recommended a program they were using called CVA (Columbia Virtual Academy).  It's through the state of Washington and is awesome because everything is free.  I worked with an adviser to pick our curriculum.  We are doing Reading, Writing, Math, Science and Art.  Another nice thing is that they have a thing set up online for the reading aspect that we do along with it, that helps him with phonics and beginning to put words together.  Each week we "check in" with our teacher.  Kieren says what he has done in his own words, then I explain it below in more detail. Let me say, it has NOT been easy.  For example today, I was trying to explain the correct way of writing numbers on our little chalkboard and he ...

This has been my day, for the past few days...Kieren doesn't listen for whatever reason, I send him to time out (stomping and screaming bloody murder the whole way).  Behind his closed door I hear "I don't want you mommy!  I want you go away forever!!"  After he cools down and I (sort of) cool down, I ask him, "do you know what you said?"  "Do you want me to go away forever and never come back?"  Him, "yeah".  "Do you like me?"  Him, "sort of".  Some of you might read this and laugh to yourselves because you know he's only 5 and doesn't really know what he's saying.  For me though, it broke my heart and I sobbed for like 20 minutes.  I am such a sensitive person, always have been.  I remember holding him all day, nursing him to sleep and being his absolute most favorite person in the world.  Now, Daddy is his favorite and he says things like, "I want a different mommy that knows how to play video games...

Some of you who are friends with my husband on Facebook might have seen his recent blog posts.  The inspiration to write has come from a renewed sense of calling he has felt towards ministry.  Years ago, before we met, he started at San Jose Christian College with a Pastoral major.  He completed that degree and went on to Fuller and received his Masters of Theology  During that span of several years, he was perhaps a little dis-enchanted with the idea of being a Pastor and started to move more towards teaching.  He thought, "maybe God wants me to teach instead".  But the fact remained that the original calling he felt before starting his undergrad, was to be a Pastor. He has recently begun re-visiting that idea and talking with our Pastor here in Seattle and some other close friends and mentors.  Personally, I am excited and get chills when I think about where God is leading us.  I admit, for a time I could NEVER see myself as a "Pastor's Wife"......

A couple months ago I posted something on Facebook about how my kids were driving me crazy.  If you are "friends" with me on FB, you know this is a very common occurrence with me.  Well, one of my FB "friends" is my cousin Todd who is a YWAM missionary in Jamaica and at that same moment he was experiencing a very scary storm.  He made a comment about how I shouldn't complain when there are things like that going on and of course I was offended and one of us "unfriended" the other (I don't even remember who it was at this point).  It was many weeks later that I realized we weren't "friends" on FB anymore and I just left it alone.  Well, last night I found out that he had been in a horrible motorcycle accident and was in ICU with head trauma.  My first thought was of course, "I hope to God that our last interaction on Facebook will not be the last".  I struggled to hold back the tears as I finished work and waited on more news...