Losing My Religion
I remember when I was in middle school one of the popular songs of the time was "Losing My Religion" by REM...I feel like that is an appropriate title for this blog. It's no secret that over the last few years I have been on a "deconstruction" journey as far as my beliefs are concerned. For the first time in my life I felt like it was okay to ask questions, to doubt, to be unsure. I have never lost my faith in God or my love for Jesus but I have seriously questioned the "religion" I grew up with.
In recent weeks I have taken to listening to The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast on my drive to and from work but I'm taking a break because it's really bumming me out. The more I have read and listened to people evaluate "Evangelicalism" the more disturbed I become. I definitely grew up in a Christian sub-culture where "secular" music, fantasy books or movies, Halloween (basically anything not overtly Christian) was evil and must be avoided at all cost. I jumped on the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" bandwagon and wore a "True Love Waits" ring. I thought I was supposed to get married as soon as possible as to avoid temptation, therefore anyone I dated (after I got off that ridiculous no dating bandwagon) was to be viewed as a potential husband. It was serious, like, if we're going to do this, it means we're probably getting married....and sadly, that line of thinking completely destroyed a friendship.
Now that I'm older (maybe wiser?) and feeling freedom to finally ask questions, I have started to realize the incredible damage that this sub-culture caused me, in so many ways. I believed that I needed to surround myself with fellow "believers" and due to that, potentially missed out on some really great friendships. There was so much focus on remaining "pure", so much intense pressure when it came to finding my "future spouse", that I truly believed I missed out on a great deal of just living and having fun. When everyone is viewed as a potential husband or wife, I mean GEEZ...that's just too much, (thank God that I actually married someone who grew up quite different from me and had some life experience).
This past summer I got a new tattoo on my arm that says, "Do Justice, Love Kindness, Walk Humbly". This is a mantra in my life and I also love The Message translation of this verse:
Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’
This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it:
‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in
God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”
This is what it all boils down to for me these days. Less judgment, NO hate, more love and let God
take care of the rest. There is so much I don't know, so much that confuses me, so much that is a mystery
(including God)...and that's OKAY.
I am thankful for my partner in life, that gives me space to wonder and question, for a community of
friends all over that do the same and I'm immensely thankful to live in a location that allows space for
this as well. Most of all, I thank the LORD that I have gotten to this point in my journey while my children
are still living at home so that they can learn the freedom in asking questions and not being sure of everything,
to know they will ALWAYS be loved, accepted and valued.
In recent weeks I have taken to listening to The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast on my drive to and from work but I'm taking a break because it's really bumming me out. The more I have read and listened to people evaluate "Evangelicalism" the more disturbed I become. I definitely grew up in a Christian sub-culture where "secular" music, fantasy books or movies, Halloween (basically anything not overtly Christian) was evil and must be avoided at all cost. I jumped on the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" bandwagon and wore a "True Love Waits" ring. I thought I was supposed to get married as soon as possible as to avoid temptation, therefore anyone I dated (after I got off that ridiculous no dating bandwagon) was to be viewed as a potential husband. It was serious, like, if we're going to do this, it means we're probably getting married....and sadly, that line of thinking completely destroyed a friendship.
Now that I'm older (maybe wiser?) and feeling freedom to finally ask questions, I have started to realize the incredible damage that this sub-culture caused me, in so many ways. I believed that I needed to surround myself with fellow "believers" and due to that, potentially missed out on some really great friendships. There was so much focus on remaining "pure", so much intense pressure when it came to finding my "future spouse", that I truly believed I missed out on a great deal of just living and having fun. When everyone is viewed as a potential husband or wife, I mean GEEZ...that's just too much, (thank God that I actually married someone who grew up quite different from me and had some life experience).
This past summer I got a new tattoo on my arm that says, "Do Justice, Love Kindness, Walk Humbly". This is a mantra in my life and I also love The Message translation of this verse:
Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’
This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it:
‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in
God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”
This is what it all boils down to for me these days. Less judgment, NO hate, more love and let God
take care of the rest. There is so much I don't know, so much that confuses me, so much that is a mystery
(including God)...and that's OKAY.
I am thankful for my partner in life, that gives me space to wonder and question, for a community of
friends all over that do the same and I'm immensely thankful to live in a location that allows space for
this as well. Most of all, I thank the LORD that I have gotten to this point in my journey while my children
are still living at home so that they can learn the freedom in asking questions and not being sure of everything,
to know they will ALWAYS be loved, accepted and valued.
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