When Churches Wound

 For the past few days I have been participating in a virtual Pastor's Wives Conference.  It's been interesting.  I have been encouraged, I have cringed, I have ugly cried.  One of the workshops that I signed up for was titled "When Churches Wound".  Now we're all very well aware of how the Church has wounded many over thousands of years (very literally but also emotionally and psychologically).  We have heard the more recent stories of hate directed at the LGBTQ community or others that the Church might view as "wrong".  What might shock you are the countless stories of wounding right there within the Church, directed at the very people leading it.  I have heard pastor's wives give tearful testimony on how they were deeply hurt by a church they served, how they were "pushed" out.  There's actually this thing I've recently learned about (because I'm not the one who went to Seminary) called Article 17.  It's basically like a divorce between the church and pastor, there might be reasons for them to "seperate", it might be one sided or mutual, but it means they are essentially fired and it can actually hurt their chances at future calls with other churches.  I heard Article 17 over and over and over.  It hurt my heart.

Remember Quasimodo from Hunchback of Notre Dame?  He was a gentle man who had a deformity and was an outcast in society, but he found "sanctuary" within the church.  My God how I wish that were the beautiful story of church today.  In my heart and mind, I see church as a place where you are welcomed, accepted, loved unconditionally...because that is EXACTLY how God welcomes us in and loves us.  I see a place where we feel safe and not judged or rejected.  I see a place where we can be who we were made to be, fully free.

Before we entered official ministry, I was scared.  I was having actual anxiety about it because I had heard horror stories from our friends who had been in ministry for years.  My heart was breaking for them and what they were dealing with and I sure as hell did not want those things to happen to me and my family.  We have wondered why so many people leave the church...I've been listening to women tell stories of how they have tried to brainstorm what other job could they possibly do, because that is just how bad their spouses were treated in the position of pastor.  It's mind blowing!  I think back to the pastor's wives I watched as a young girl and I remember them being very resilient, strong and somewhat guarded.  Now I know why.

I'm not saying that we're not meant to be in ministry.  I'm not saying I think it's going to be easy or should be easy.  I've heard people say, "well the people in the church are human too and no one is perfect"...but I don't really buy that.  Sure, no one is "perfect" and we all definitely mess up at times.  However, if you claim to be redeemed and a "new creation" and you claim to follow Jesus who is pure love and all he ever talked about was love...then you would not be intentionally malicious to the man (or woman) who God called to lead your church, you would not be "pushing them out" and making their lives miserable until they leave, intentionally!  That is just reprehensible behavior.

The last few days we have been talking a lot about Strength and Courage and now I know why.  This path ahead is going to take a LOT of Strength and Courage.  We will continue to love God and love people as best as we can, inside the church building and out...because the "church" cannot be contained to a building and sometimes the most Christ-like people are the last person you might expect.

The last thing I will say is that the timing of this conference was interesting as it occurred after I had watched (most of) the Evolving Faith conference.  It is an interesting thing to be a "pastor's wife" in the midst of deconstructing, re-thinking and rebuilding my faith while also really discovering who I am but I'm thankful to have found some others going through the same thing.

Last words, please extend grace and love to everyone.  Please consider the tremendous weight that is on your pastor and don't forget to lift them up and encourage them, they need it too.

"Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God."

-Micah 6:8

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