Unbroken Fellowship

Recently Norm and I have been going through a study guide that our dear friend and mentor Carlo wrote.  It's called The Surrendering Guide and it's purpose is to help Christians to "encounter Christ in formation friendship".  Carlo created the acronym SHAWL which stands for Surrendering, Humbling, Abiding, Waiting and Listening.  He is greatly influenced by Andrew Murray and his book Abiding in Christ and I think it's okay for me to say he has sort of made it his mission to help young and old followers of Christ learn and grow in their friendship with Him.  So we have been going through the guide he wrote and occasionally talking with him over Skype.  Last Friday night I was finishing the section we were on and quite honestly found myself getting frustrated.  One of the points in the section was on the importance of meeting with the Lord daily in a time of "encounter practice".  Having grown up in church, this is what we would call "daily devotion time", a time that we deliberately set aside to read the Bible, pray, reflect, journal and what have you.  When I was in high school and college that was simple for me.  I loved that time in the morning or before bed and thrived on it.  However, since I've had two kids...it doesn't happen.  If I were to have a devotion time in the morning, I'd be getting up at like 5 which is what I like to call "the butt crack of dawn".  I find that I'm a much better and more patient mother when I sleep.  Maybe that's an excuse, but it's the truth.  If I had this time before bed, I would be missing out on the only two hours a day I get to see my husband because he works during the day and I work in the evening.  Don't get me wrong, Jesus is the most important person in my life.  He comes before everyone and everything else.  This is something I must remind myself of daily; but it's true.  That's exactly why I love the concept of "unbroken fellowship".  I can talk to, confide in and cry on His "shoulder" so to speak at any point in my day.  I can find His truth all around me and be inspired by it at any given moment.  This morning I read a blog post that a friend shared on Facebook.  It was written by a mother in total honesty with the intent of helping other mothers to feel okay.  It encouraged me beyond words and was exactly what I needed to hear this morning to help me get through my day.  I truly believe the Lord was speaking through that woman to me.  When Zoe and I were driving to my weekly chiropractor appointment this morning we were listening to "Merida" (music from and inspired by the movie Brave), as we do most mornings, afternoons, nights...heck basically ALL day.  We were singing together, "I will ride, I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky..." and it brought tears to my eyes.  It was one of those moments when I felt like I'm doing an okay job.

I might not set aside time to read my Bible and pray everyday while seated in a chair.  I try and talk to the Lord all day, like a friend, like someone I desperately need advice and encouragement from.  Norm and I try and read a Psalm each night before going to bed.  But you know who I think God speaks through the most in my life?  My children.  I'm convinced I have learned more from them than they have from me.  Seriously.  In this current season both kids seem to have a favorite and it's not me.  They always want Daddy and Kieren wishes I could "be more like Daddy".  I'm learning to accept that it is just a phase and that it has a lot to do with who is at home more and that when I'm gone they ask for me...but it's still hard.  There are moments when they want to snuggle with me or hold my hand and I am over the moon!  There are also moments when Kieren is stomping through the house yelling and saying something like "I never want to play with you!  I have the meanest sister ever!!" or Zoe is on the floor kicking and screaming because she can't wear her Merida dress.  There are ups and downs.  There are moments of great joy and times of overwhelming anger and frustration.

One of my good friends and first college roommate had a baby before us, before we graduated and I'll never forget what her husband told us after they became parents.  He said something like, "being a parent has taught me more about God's love than anything else" and MAN, is it true.  We are His children but thankfully He is not human and has abounding love, grace and patience for us.  I know I can be just like Kieren or Zoe when it comes to God and hard times in life, when I feel helpless and lost.  NO matter how many fits I throw or how much I question or doubt, He still loves and accepts me.  When it comes to daily time with Him...yes, it is important to set that time aside, just like I would go out on a date with my husband or have a glass of wine with a friend.  I am very glad though to know that I can be in constant fellowship with Him, that He is always there...always here with me.

Getting married changes life, having children changes life...but it doesn't have to be a bad change.  These seasons of life can teach us and grow us and help us to better know the One who knows us best.  It is beautiful to discover new and different ways to see God, in the face of a stranger passing us on the street, in the majestic Olympic mountain range or the clear blue sky over the Puget Sound...or in the laughter of a child.  He is all around us.