A Tender Heart
My boy is so sweet and gentle and loving. Sure, I'm biased and I admit it! Seriously though. Here's an example...
A few weeks ago we were talking at bedtime (I forget what about) and I explained to Kieren the concept of "happy tears". I told him that we don't just cry when we're sad but when we're happy too. "When you and Zoe were born" I said "I cried because I was so happy and loved you so much!" I think at the time it was a little tough to understand but clearly he got it because just the other morning we were all snuggling in bed and having a discussion about friends. He was talking about how some kids don't want to play with him or be his friend. We acknowledged that that can be hard but that it's okay to have a few close friends and we don't have to be friends with everyone. I said, "some kids might not want to be your friend but it's still good to try and be nice to everyone and do you know what you're doing when you're nice to them? You're showing them Jesus!" At that moment, my precious (almost) 6 year old boy started to cry a little and said very softly "I'm crying happy tears, that make me happy". I felt like my heart might explode.
Yes we are raising our kids to know and love God, which might be controversial to some. When I was young and growing up in church my Dad called it "brain washing". As an adult I have to agree with him a little because along with the love and forgiveness of Jesus that I learned in Sunday school, I was also learning to judge and condemn and only have friends that were Christian. Thankfully I know now that that was not what Jesus was about. So anyway, we take our kids to church and we talk about God at home but we also don't overload them with it. I think that both mine and Norm's experience with church have taught us to be gentle in this whole process. Around Christmas time Kieren would tell us that he wanted to sing Silent Night in his class, "so that everyone will know about God". He get's sad when we tell him that some people don't believe in God. He is comforted when we tell him that when he's scared at night he can talk to God like he would a friend and ask Him to protect him and give him good dreams.
We are not perfect parents. I have had many moments when I just felt like shit for yelling at him or somewhat forcefully putting him in his room. There are times I wish I was more ______ or did _____ more. I wish I was more patient, more gentle, more understanding. I wish, I wish, I wish...and then something like this happens. It's beautiful and it's organic and it makes me realize, maybe we're not so bad after all. Maybe we've done something right. Kieren is definitely sensitive like me and I see it daily. Sometimes it's hard to see that in him because as much as I've grown to accept and appreciate my sensitive nature, it's been rough too. I feel emotions strongly, I cry often, I'm not that "tough". But I want to do everything I can NOT to squash that in my little boy but to nurture it. It is a beautiful and rare thing to see in a man and I know that one day his future wife will thank me. Speaking of which, I am so thankful that Kieren has a father that freely shows his love and affection and isn't afraid to kiss him or snuggle with him. Norm spends time with him and does "boy things" like playing video games or leggos, but he also teaches him how to make pancakes and garden. Sometimes we make excuses for our parents when they screw up and say "that's all they knew, their parents were distant or not affectionate" which are things that could be said about Norm's childhood. Somehow he turned out to be an amazing, loving, tender and fun dad. Don't get me wrong, he has great stories about "Papa Dave" to share with Kieren and man does he just soak it up. In all honesty though, my heart breaks when I think about the lack of affection that was in my husbands upbringing. All that said, I am thankful that when we get married and become parents we can find a way to break old patterns and habits. A child is such a gift that sadly many are not given. I think that is something we forget amidst the 2 am wake up calls and constant poopy diapers. It is in these brief moments of innocence and clarity that we experience that love and joy all over again.
Over the past few months I've felt how God can change a mind and heart. I was dead set against having more kids. If you were to ask me last year I would've said "hell no!" Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we will...our current situation just wouldn't allow it and it would be pretty irresponsible to try. My heart has changed regardless. I would happily experience pregnancy again, (not so happily) go through the most pain of my life again, because it would mean receiving the greatest gift of all. Whatever God has in store for us, I am happy with our kiddos. I am amazed each day by them, what they do and say. They crack me up all the time! Cherish these tiny moments, write them down and tell your kids when they're older. We might be the grown ups but we sure have a lot to learn from them...
I believe the saying goes..."From the mouths of babes"...
A few weeks ago we were talking at bedtime (I forget what about) and I explained to Kieren the concept of "happy tears". I told him that we don't just cry when we're sad but when we're happy too. "When you and Zoe were born" I said "I cried because I was so happy and loved you so much!" I think at the time it was a little tough to understand but clearly he got it because just the other morning we were all snuggling in bed and having a discussion about friends. He was talking about how some kids don't want to play with him or be his friend. We acknowledged that that can be hard but that it's okay to have a few close friends and we don't have to be friends with everyone. I said, "some kids might not want to be your friend but it's still good to try and be nice to everyone and do you know what you're doing when you're nice to them? You're showing them Jesus!" At that moment, my precious (almost) 6 year old boy started to cry a little and said very softly "I'm crying happy tears, that make me happy". I felt like my heart might explode.
Yes we are raising our kids to know and love God, which might be controversial to some. When I was young and growing up in church my Dad called it "brain washing". As an adult I have to agree with him a little because along with the love and forgiveness of Jesus that I learned in Sunday school, I was also learning to judge and condemn and only have friends that were Christian. Thankfully I know now that that was not what Jesus was about. So anyway, we take our kids to church and we talk about God at home but we also don't overload them with it. I think that both mine and Norm's experience with church have taught us to be gentle in this whole process. Around Christmas time Kieren would tell us that he wanted to sing Silent Night in his class, "so that everyone will know about God". He get's sad when we tell him that some people don't believe in God. He is comforted when we tell him that when he's scared at night he can talk to God like he would a friend and ask Him to protect him and give him good dreams.
We are not perfect parents. I have had many moments when I just felt like shit for yelling at him or somewhat forcefully putting him in his room. There are times I wish I was more ______ or did _____ more. I wish I was more patient, more gentle, more understanding. I wish, I wish, I wish...and then something like this happens. It's beautiful and it's organic and it makes me realize, maybe we're not so bad after all. Maybe we've done something right. Kieren is definitely sensitive like me and I see it daily. Sometimes it's hard to see that in him because as much as I've grown to accept and appreciate my sensitive nature, it's been rough too. I feel emotions strongly, I cry often, I'm not that "tough". But I want to do everything I can NOT to squash that in my little boy but to nurture it. It is a beautiful and rare thing to see in a man and I know that one day his future wife will thank me. Speaking of which, I am so thankful that Kieren has a father that freely shows his love and affection and isn't afraid to kiss him or snuggle with him. Norm spends time with him and does "boy things" like playing video games or leggos, but he also teaches him how to make pancakes and garden. Sometimes we make excuses for our parents when they screw up and say "that's all they knew, their parents were distant or not affectionate" which are things that could be said about Norm's childhood. Somehow he turned out to be an amazing, loving, tender and fun dad. Don't get me wrong, he has great stories about "Papa Dave" to share with Kieren and man does he just soak it up. In all honesty though, my heart breaks when I think about the lack of affection that was in my husbands upbringing. All that said, I am thankful that when we get married and become parents we can find a way to break old patterns and habits. A child is such a gift that sadly many are not given. I think that is something we forget amidst the 2 am wake up calls and constant poopy diapers. It is in these brief moments of innocence and clarity that we experience that love and joy all over again.
Over the past few months I've felt how God can change a mind and heart. I was dead set against having more kids. If you were to ask me last year I would've said "hell no!" Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we will...our current situation just wouldn't allow it and it would be pretty irresponsible to try. My heart has changed regardless. I would happily experience pregnancy again, (not so happily) go through the most pain of my life again, because it would mean receiving the greatest gift of all. Whatever God has in store for us, I am happy with our kiddos. I am amazed each day by them, what they do and say. They crack me up all the time! Cherish these tiny moments, write them down and tell your kids when they're older. We might be the grown ups but we sure have a lot to learn from them...
I believe the saying goes..."From the mouths of babes"...
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