Doing the best you can and learning as you go...
Let's be real here, parenthood is not easy. In fact it's probably the hardest thing ever. What amazes me though is how it can be the hardest thing and most rewarding thing simultaneously. I always had a desire to have kids. The summer before I started high school I spent a week with my cousins and their new baby. I loved helping out and he was so cute! I always saw little kids and thought, awe I want one! I knew being a parent was hard, but of course you don't REALLY know until you are one. Some people might think, "Oh my kid will never run through the aisles of the store screaming bloody murder...my kid will never throw themselves down on the sidewalk screaming and kicking because they just "can't walk anymore"...yada yada yada. Then you have one. All those preconceptions go right out the window. You try different disciplining methods like taking away toys or time outs. It seems like nothing works on this kid. You get so angry and yell and slam doors and then you realize you're allowing a 3 year old to set you off...so you end up in the closet eating chocolate and crying your eyes out. Ahem, or something like that. Sometimes I feel like I have to do something because if I don't then she will "get her way" or she "won't learn". Lately though I've been learning that I just need to show her grace, understanding and patience. I'm not saying I am...yeah it's freaking hard...but at least I know what I need to do. When I learned in church about the grace that God has shown us, I admit I wasn't thinking about my future children. Let me tell you, these little people are straight up CRAZY sometimes but when it comes down to it they are crying out (quite literally) for acceptance, love and grace.
This Monday was horrible. Every five minutes the world was ending and a tantrum or meltdown ensued. I had no patience, my ears were ringing with the screams and the crappy windshield wipers that were squeaking were NOT helping. Before leaving the house I considered just cancelling our chiropractor appointment because I just didn't think I could handle it. The actual appointment went okay, thank God, but the trip to the store after was epic. I found a $3 rain coat for Zoe and she wanted to hold it, no she HAD to hold it. I said "we have to buy it first then you can hold it". She starts screaming and crying and two ladies walking by say "awe, what's wrong!?" I said, "Nothing. She's been throwing a fit all day." I start to walk to the front and Zoe takes off down the aisle, screaming her head off. I think to myself, "Yeah...that just happened". I was speechless and had literally no clue how to handle it. So, I paid for the coat and we left. I'm sure all the other customers and workers were thinking pleasant things about me and glaring. I didn't look. I went to work a little early that day and let me tell you, was so happy for the escape. The next day however, was lovely! Zoe listened to me, rarely screamed, we played together and had a grand ol' time.
Yesterday we got up to get ready for our day and Kieren woke up a little late. He said he had a sore throat and his nose hurt so I decided to keep him home. I did feel pretty crappy so I was trying to lay down when he came in and said joyously "Mommy! I'm not sick, I tricked you!" I was pretty pissed. A little while later the kids were playing on the floor and I asked him, "why did you lie to me to stay home?" He said, "I don't like going to school every single day...I wanted to be with you...(crying)...I never see my mommy and I miss YOU!" Umm...wow. Most of the time it seems like Daddy is the favorite. Even though I only see Kieren for an hour in the morning before school and ten minutes in the afternoon before I go to work, he always seems to only want Daddy. What never occurred to me is that he genuinely misses me and wants to see me, he just doesn't know how to express it. I mean, how can you get mad at that?
Every day is different. One day is awesome, the next is totally shitty. Nothing is predictable except maybe that someone is going to throw a fit about something. I always feel like either laughing or crying. Here's what I do know about parenthood...I can only do my best and I'm definitely learning as I go. You know what else? We're all in this together. Don't judge that mom or dad at the store with the unruly child. Don't say ridiculous things like "can't you control your kid?" because NO we CAN'T control our kids. All we can do is show these little monsters grace, especially when they're acting like that. Exerting my control over my 3 year old will only backfire on me, I've figured that out at least. So let's try and remember that whether we're parents or not, we're all in life together and the least we can do is show one another a little grace.
This Monday was horrible. Every five minutes the world was ending and a tantrum or meltdown ensued. I had no patience, my ears were ringing with the screams and the crappy windshield wipers that were squeaking were NOT helping. Before leaving the house I considered just cancelling our chiropractor appointment because I just didn't think I could handle it. The actual appointment went okay, thank God, but the trip to the store after was epic. I found a $3 rain coat for Zoe and she wanted to hold it, no she HAD to hold it. I said "we have to buy it first then you can hold it". She starts screaming and crying and two ladies walking by say "awe, what's wrong!?" I said, "Nothing. She's been throwing a fit all day." I start to walk to the front and Zoe takes off down the aisle, screaming her head off. I think to myself, "Yeah...that just happened". I was speechless and had literally no clue how to handle it. So, I paid for the coat and we left. I'm sure all the other customers and workers were thinking pleasant things about me and glaring. I didn't look. I went to work a little early that day and let me tell you, was so happy for the escape. The next day however, was lovely! Zoe listened to me, rarely screamed, we played together and had a grand ol' time.
Yesterday we got up to get ready for our day and Kieren woke up a little late. He said he had a sore throat and his nose hurt so I decided to keep him home. I did feel pretty crappy so I was trying to lay down when he came in and said joyously "Mommy! I'm not sick, I tricked you!" I was pretty pissed. A little while later the kids were playing on the floor and I asked him, "why did you lie to me to stay home?" He said, "I don't like going to school every single day...I wanted to be with you...(crying)...I never see my mommy and I miss YOU!" Umm...wow. Most of the time it seems like Daddy is the favorite. Even though I only see Kieren for an hour in the morning before school and ten minutes in the afternoon before I go to work, he always seems to only want Daddy. What never occurred to me is that he genuinely misses me and wants to see me, he just doesn't know how to express it. I mean, how can you get mad at that?
Every day is different. One day is awesome, the next is totally shitty. Nothing is predictable except maybe that someone is going to throw a fit about something. I always feel like either laughing or crying. Here's what I do know about parenthood...I can only do my best and I'm definitely learning as I go. You know what else? We're all in this together. Don't judge that mom or dad at the store with the unruly child. Don't say ridiculous things like "can't you control your kid?" because NO we CAN'T control our kids. All we can do is show these little monsters grace, especially when they're acting like that. Exerting my control over my 3 year old will only backfire on me, I've figured that out at least. So let's try and remember that whether we're parents or not, we're all in life together and the least we can do is show one another a little grace.
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