Major Surgery Changes You

You think about those "what ifs" and possible catastrophes, how you might handle them, how you're family would handle them.  You think about how "life is short" and you need to worry less, have more fun, enjoy life, appreciate your blessings.  You don't really KNOW this until it actually happens to you.

A couple weeks ago I started having shortness of breath and feeling a tightness in my chest.  Norm and I thought it was caused by super tight muscles in my neck and shoulder, so he massaged me and it went away a little.  Then it came back on the weekend, I kind of brushed it off.  Last Wednesday I was at home with the kids when it came back and I started hyperventilating.  I made the choice to go pick up Norm from work so I could go to urgent care.  I barely made it to get him.  By the time we got to urgent care I had calmed down a bit and wasn't hyperventilating anymore.  They did an EKG, which was normal and a chest X-RAY...which was not.  The nurse came in the room and said, "well you have what is called a Spontaneous Pneumothorax and you shouldn't be here, you need to get to the ER."  I started crying and panicking.  Norm immediately drove me to the Swedish ER with the kids.  I was checked in, given an IV and sent upstairs.  They did another X-RAY to confirm what was going on and told me I was going to need a chest tube.  I was connected to basically a pump machine by a tube for about 2 days.  What had happened was a hole had appeared in my lung.  We're not sure of the exact cause, but air was escaping from my lung into my chest cavity and causing my lung to partially collapse.  The "Pneumothorax" was very large.  I had let it go for too long.  After 2 days, my lung had expanded but the hole had not healed, so they decided on surgery.  WOW.  Here I am, I have never spent a day of my life in a hospital and I am about to have major surgery on my lung.  I tried to remain calm.  My mom helped out tremendously with the kids, Norm spent a couple night in the hospital with me and we prepared for surgery on Saturday.  They went in and fixed my lung and basically "stuck" it to the chest wall so that this can't happen again.  The doctor said my lungs are perfect and healthy, except for that part at the top of my right one that they had to "shave off" and basically staple closed.  There is a small chance that this could happen to my other lung, but it won't happen on the right side again.

I am home now, I was discharged on Monday.  My amazing sister in law has come up to help out and our awesome church family is bringing us meals and planning play dates for the kids.  As for me...I am changed.  I am a new woman.  This has changed EVERYTHING.  I am thankful to be alive. Like for reals, not in a cliche way.  I love my children and my husband more than ever.  I want to be a better mom, yell less, play more.  I want to appreciate every small beautiful thing in this world and not care about those little worries of life.  I want to focus on relationships and people in my life that truly care about me and invest in me and let go of the ones that have no hope for change.  Because...life is short.  And now I KNOW this.

I'm not trying to sound dramatic, but I could have died.  That has become real, especially to my wonderful husband who managed to hold it together through the last 5 days, I have no clue how.  I don't wish this experience I have had on anyone, it was like going through hell and back again.  I am thankful though, for what I have learned from it and how it has changed me into a more calm and grateful person.  I give all the glory to God for bringing me and my family through this, I would not be alive without Him.  Praise the Lord.