Let It Go and Play
It's interesting how something can be brewing under the surface and you have no idea it's there until a tiny little thing sets you off into a full blown meltdown.
When Norm gets home from work just after 3, I have a few minutes to fill him in on what's going on here, like "there's stuff in the washer that needs to go in the dryer" and he has a few minutes to fill me in on what's going on at work, then I walk down. Yes we are "ships passing in the night", but do not mistake this for complaining, it works for us. Yesterday though, it was a bit hectic for the messages to get through and last night I found out there were still clothes in the washer. At first I was like, "why the hell am I crying over wet clothes, I can just take care of it in the morning"...until I found myself sobbing almost uncontrollably and it hit me. I am overwhelmed. Everyday I try to make dinner while Zoe is napping and Kieren is watching a movie, so that Norm won't have to at 5 when everyone is going ballistic. Amidst that and the laundry and the never ending pile of dishes, I have started to feel like I'm not really spending quality time with my kids. I have this need for everything to be clean all the time that I forget to just sit down and play with them. While trying to be the "best mom" I can be, I end up feeling like it's just not enough.
I'm writing this because I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. It's just weird because I felt fine, like we were all doing great. I had no idea that this inadequate and overwhelmed feeling was brewing in me.
Why do we feel like we have to be "Supermom"?
Are we missing their childhood because we're trying too hard?
Well...at least, that's how I feel lately. I had a conversation with someone the other day about parents. She said her mom was amazing when she was growing up, there was always a home cooked meal and she appreciated that, but her "best memories" were with her dad because he was the one who really spent time with her. I think that's when this all hit me and made me start realizing that, that is me. I don't want my kids to grow up and think, "mom's great but I never really see her cause she's always cleaning or cooking". Sometimes people call me "Monica" (from Friends) and it's kinda funny. I can see though that sometimes I need to just accept the mess, let it go, and play.
When Norm gets home from work just after 3, I have a few minutes to fill him in on what's going on here, like "there's stuff in the washer that needs to go in the dryer" and he has a few minutes to fill me in on what's going on at work, then I walk down. Yes we are "ships passing in the night", but do not mistake this for complaining, it works for us. Yesterday though, it was a bit hectic for the messages to get through and last night I found out there were still clothes in the washer. At first I was like, "why the hell am I crying over wet clothes, I can just take care of it in the morning"...until I found myself sobbing almost uncontrollably and it hit me. I am overwhelmed. Everyday I try to make dinner while Zoe is napping and Kieren is watching a movie, so that Norm won't have to at 5 when everyone is going ballistic. Amidst that and the laundry and the never ending pile of dishes, I have started to feel like I'm not really spending quality time with my kids. I have this need for everything to be clean all the time that I forget to just sit down and play with them. While trying to be the "best mom" I can be, I end up feeling like it's just not enough.
I'm writing this because I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. It's just weird because I felt fine, like we were all doing great. I had no idea that this inadequate and overwhelmed feeling was brewing in me.
Why do we feel like we have to be "Supermom"?
Are we missing their childhood because we're trying too hard?
Well...at least, that's how I feel lately. I had a conversation with someone the other day about parents. She said her mom was amazing when she was growing up, there was always a home cooked meal and she appreciated that, but her "best memories" were with her dad because he was the one who really spent time with her. I think that's when this all hit me and made me start realizing that, that is me. I don't want my kids to grow up and think, "mom's great but I never really see her cause she's always cleaning or cooking". Sometimes people call me "Monica" (from Friends) and it's kinda funny. I can see though that sometimes I need to just accept the mess, let it go, and play.
hang in there my dear...Life is to be enjoyed and as we all feel that we can be better mums ...surely our children just enjoy having us there. You are doing wonderful..simply because you care enough to think about this..mull it over and make informed decisions on how to raise your children.
ReplyDeleteI feel we do the same thing with our faith. We all want everyone to think we have it all together. We aren't willing to be vulnerable and let people know we are actually struggling with things. I saw this with my friend a few years ago. She had just had a baby and I asked, "how are you doing?" "Great..." she replied. I looked her straight in the face and said, "I HATED being a mom the first 6 weeks of Jeremiah's life. How are you really doing?" She proceeded to cry and open up about her frustrations and no one really prepares you for the hard stuff. But she needed permission to open up. I love reading your statuses and blog posts. It is a reminder that I'm not alone. You and Norm are great parents who have crazy kids. :) Every time I get overwhelmed with the boys I remember something you've posted, I remember this is "normal", and then I pray for strength (for both of us!) I see it as if you are actually trying to be a good mom you probably are. It's those who don't care that really should be worried!
ReplyDeleteThank you Lissa, so true. It's good to be honest, that's why I like blogging because I know when I read what other mom's write (when they're being real), I feel so encouraged. What's amazing is since I wrote this, I have been yelling so much less (well not at all really) and have just felt much more calm. I feel like since my attitude has changed, their behavior has too. Praise God because I know it's nothing from me. Guess I needed a meltdown! :)
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